She gets up from the table and walls to the playground. She talks gently to our son for a few seconds. She leads him by the hand back to the table. "I'd like you to meet someone…." She says introducing father and son for the first time. I hold back my tears. This feels like salvation to a sinner. The boy looks shyly and hesitantly at me. Susana sits down and watches our interaction. I can't believe this is finally happening. Afterwards the boy sits with us and we order our food. He talks susana's ear off the whole time. It's the cutest thing to watch. She looks over at me and gives me a shy smile. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm in awe of this whole situation so much that I want to cry.
Not only have I been reunited with the girl of my dreams, I find out that we have a son together. After all this time, I never expected that. This is the greatest thing I could have ever asked for. After lunch we walk back to our cars. Susana and i make plans to talk later before parting ways. During the drive home i do cry a little. Tears of joy and relief. I feel like everything has been fixed and all is right in the world. For so long I have felt like a sinner. Now I have finally received my salvation. I'm going to do everything I can to hold onto Susan and my son. I don't want to return to that void of depression that was once my life.
Chapter 19 - Mikah
It has been a few months since we have entered each other's lives again. Slowly Susana and I have begun a day by day type of relationship. Over this period of time I have been taking my time in getting to know our son. I want to develop a relationship with him but I don't want to intrude on his everyday life. We spend a lot of time at home watching cartoons or playing with toys. Sometimes we walk in the yard together.
The more time I spend with him, the more I wonder why I didn't notice the resemblance before. He is very rambunctious and joyful. He is the exact image of me. It wasn't easy to get to know him. He is very shy and suspicious of strangers. He doesn't get close to people, the only ones who he consider permanent figures are Susana and her family. Naturally he didn't warm up to me right away. Toys and gifts didn't help either.
I've had to spend a lot of time with him these few months. It's taken a lot of careful effort to show him that I'm going to be someone permanent in his life like his other relatives. I don't ever want my son to view me as someone who will just run away at the drop of a hat. This effort has paid off and I have gotten to know and love this delightful little Boy.
I spend so much time at Susana's house. The person that I have had the most difficulty being around again is Aunt Edith. Susana and our son live with her. For so long I have been mad at her for making me stay away from Susana in the first place, and then for never telling me about the baby. I felt betrayed. She and I were friends that raised Susana together. I know she was mad at me for being with Susana romantically, but that's over with now. I remember the first day I arrived to see Susana and our son. Aunt Edith had looked at me with such rage. Over the months it has simmered to quiet disappointment.
I'm here visiting them now. We are up in the room. It has been a long day filled with fun and playing. My son yawns sleepily. I scoop him up in my arms and rock him. I feel like I'm trying to make up for the moments I missed out on. I sing a quiet lullaby to him. He is too tired to protest. He falls asleep in my arms. I hold him a while longer wanting to treasure the moment. Afterwards I place him gently in bed and tuck him in. I kiss his forehead before leaving the room.
Outside in the hall, Aunt Edith stands there. She looks at me with a smile in her face. I'm surprised. She clears her throat softly. "I'm sorry I made you stay away from Susana. I'm also sorry for not telling about the baby, but she forced me to do that." Edith explains. "Yes, Susana can be headstrong, but we both love that about her." I reply. We share a quiet chuckle. It is a relief to have the air cleared between us. "I owe you an apology as well. I never should have been with Susana to begin with. I knew it was wrong and I'm sorry." I apologize.