I have to try something. My only option is to talk to her. The question is how? What other way is there since I don't know how to convey my thoughts to her. Perhaps I should get them in proper order first. She grips the little boy's hand tightly, but remains standing there. She doesn't run away or hide. She just stands still. "Mommy!" The little boy says loudly. He is still clamoring for her attention as she stands there. He has a chocolate candy bar which he waves around.
"Mommy open this! I'm hungry!" He insists loudly. He's trying to shove the candy bar into her hand. I watch the situation unfold before my eyes. With a soft gasp, I realize there is no wedding ring on her finger. I stare a little while longer just to make sure. "Sweetie, I'll buy it for you and you can have it on the way out." She explains to her son. She takes the candy bar and sets it in the basket. This quiets him for a second. He looks at the shelves for something else to buy. Nope, I don't see a ring on her hand at all. That can definitely be considered good news. Maybe I shouldn't jump to conclusions so fast. Some married or engaged couples don't wear rings. Still, I choose to focus on the positive aspect of this. I keep staring at her hand. I need to stop before I drive her away again.
My heart beats faster. I continue to think that There might be hope for us yet. There has to be. I want there to be. I realize just how long and how awkwardly we have been standing here. If anyone is going to make the first move it has to be me. She hasn't said one word to me yet. If I'm going to try to fix this, I better act quick before she slips out of my life again. I pull my courage and ask "Would you like to talk with me?" I give her the option to refuse. I don't want to force her into any kind of situation she doesn't want to be in. She glances down at her son, then back at me. To my surprise and delight she nods her head, "A silent yes." In response.
"Thank you." I reply softly, trying to keep my emotions in check. We push our baskets out of the aisle together. Her son holds onto her skirt as we walk. We find the shortest line at the registers and wait together. After we pay for our groceries she opens the candy bar for her son and hands it to him. He eats it happily. After our groceries are loaded up, I look around. There is a restaurant nearby, with a section for kids. I gesture to it, "Shall we?" I ask Susana. She nods her head and takes Hey son's hand. The three of us walk together there.
It is a family restaurant, but not very crowded right now. That's a relief. There is a playground inside. Susana's son is ecstatic when he sees it. "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" He says excitedly. As soon as she lets go of his hand he runs off to go play. I watch as she smiles at him with fondness. I decide to order later and lead us to a nearby table. It has a view of the playground so we can keep an eye on her son. We sit across from each other.
My heart twinges as I watch her gazing at the boy. "So you have a son?" I ask. She freezes and squirms a little in her seat. "Yes." She answers in the softest of voices. It takes her a while though. I clear my throat quietly and look away. I can't stop the jealousy that is brewing in my gut. Before I have a chance to ask where her boyfriend or fiancee is, she holds up her hand to stop me from speaking. I should let her speak her piece. I never gave her the opportunity to do that the first time. It's the least I can do right now.
"I have something to say." She announces. I nod my head and listen. I'm not prepared for what she says next. I'm aware of her opening her mouth and speaking quickly, "My son…is your son too." Her words come out in such a rush. My entire world freezes. I can't breathe or move. I play the Words again in my head. It seems to be taking me a while to comprehend them. The little boy continues to play. She glances at him to check on him. Her gaze returns to me as she awaits my reaction. Stunned is an understatement to what I'm feeling right now. I don't even know if there are words to describe it. Confused is probably the best Description.