Once I'm done I wash my hands and sit on the wooden bench they have in the bathroom. I hold my stomach and catch my breath. Walking takes a lot out of me now, and my ankles are starting to swell. Aunt Edith told me that each woman experiences different things at different times. This pregnancy, while magical, is an experience that will impact all of our lives. Mine and Aunt Edith's especially. She has been by my side from the start, offering emotional support as well as contradictory advice. I recall that night, after we got the positive results from the test. We sat down and had a serious talk. That night, she kept insisting that we call Mikah. "He has to know. He has to take responsibility for what he did." She had insisted calmly bit firmly.
We never raise our voices or yell at each other. Any debates or disagreements we have are usually discussed calmly and rationally. That night I was unswayed and held fast to my decision. "I only want him in my life if he genuinely wants to be in it. I don't want to feel like I'm trapping him here with a baby. That's not right or fair to anyone." I replied gently but decisively. As the days passed she kept revisiting the subject. "If he knew you were having a baby he would definitely want to be back in your life, or to be a part of the baby's at the very least." She insisted. I ignored her comments. The last time we talked about it she said, "Maybe Mikah isn't calling because he knows that everyone is mad at him…" her thought remained unfinished.
I always thought that was a little odd. It always seemed like there was something further she wanted to say or confess. That doesn't really matter to me though. Nothing good comes from dwelling on the past. I was and still am determined to stay focused on the present. The days were on and aunt Edith kept bringing it up. I finally had enough. Wearily I asked her, "Aunt Edith I love you but can you please just drop it? I'm not calling Mikah." Reluctantly she agreed to do so. The door to the bathroom opens and closes. I'm snapped out of my reverie and brought back to the present. I need to find aunt Edith and get home. I have work to do when we get back. I open the bathroom door and walk back into the store.
I slowly make my way to the register. She waits patiently there. The basket is full of bags. Undoubtedly she bought a ton more stuff while I was in there. With a smile we walk outside. She helps me get seated in the car and loads everything into the trunk. During the drive home I think more about the situation. I managed to find an online job. That will keep me and my growing baby sustained. When I found out I was pregnant I knew instantly I was keeping the baby. The thought to abort it never even crossed my mind. This is my baby. I'm going to raise it no matter what. I know it wont be an easy job, but I'm looking forward to it. Besides, I've always got aunt edith to help me. Ever since I got pregnant she has tended to me like a mother hen.
This entire situation has brought out so many different emotions in me. Once those self deprecating moods pass I see that aunt Edith is truly excited about the baby. That fills me with joy somewhat.
We told my cousins about the pregnancy a couple of months ago. They took the news quite well. They have been extremely supportive and never once made me feel ashamed for being a single mother. Something occurs to me though. I turn to Aunt Edith and ask, "How come my cousins haven't asked me who the father is?" She gives me a patient glance before returning her eyes to the road. "They are waiting for you to tell them voluntarily. They didn't want to force you to talk about something you don't want to." She answers. I reflect on how amazing they are. We pull up to the house. Aunt Edith brings the baby items inside while I use the bathroom again. We meet in the nursery to finish decorating it.
A couple of hours later we step back to admire our work. The nursery is finally complete. We have been working on and off on it for the past few months. I can't help but choke up in tears when I see everything that has been done for the baby. I'm glad to be raised by such a wonderful and understanding family. Aunt Edith embraces me and I cry on her shoulder once again. "Aw Susana! Don't cry." She comforts me and holds me. I can't help it, my family is so wonderful and amazing. I'd be lost without them, especially my aunt. She has supported me so much over the past few months. They have been extremely difficult because I have been struggling with my depression. I have fallen in and out of it so drastically that it might endanger the baby. I went to see a psychologist recently and feel like I am doing better.