“I don’t know that we can avoid it.” Holden keeps his mouth out of my reach.
I settle for kissing across his chest and rubbing his sides, tracing the V-cut that leads lower. “We could avoid this conversation and have fun before I start work.”
He groans and holds my face in his hands. “Behave.”
I pout.
“Just for this conversation, then you can ride my cock while I balance the books.” He promises.
I bite my lip. “My goal will be to distract you entirely.”
“And you always succeed.” He purrs against my mouth. “Always. But let’s talk first.”
I groan and give in. “I just don’t want problems. That’s all. And this sounds like a problem and I’m worried it’s going to start a stress spiral.”
“All you have to do is meet someone. That’s all.” Holden says. “Just a meeting and that’s it.”
I chew my lip and take a slow breath. It’s another thing on my plate and I’m worried my plate is going to overflow. Sure, I’ve been removing stuff, but there are still the basics like figuring out the time off, getting over there, wanting to see Paris and still having to do all the work of finishing the wedding planning. I should have gotten a wedding planner.
“Talk to me.” Holden encourages. “What’s going on in that head?”
“A million things,” I murmur. “Namely how much we have to do in the next few weeks to make sure everything is set. It’s filling up and I feel like I’m going to crumble under the weight of it all.”
“We are-”
I gently put my hand over his mouth. “Holden, I know all four of you are helping. And my mom. And Valerie. And it still feels like there’s too much to do for me to even sleep or enjoy time with you guys. Bella had so long to plan and get everything set and she was still so fucked up with stress that she tried to fuck Gunner.”
He doesn’t try to jump in which is nice, because, unlike my mom, I need to breathe while I talk. I calm the earthquake in my chest, threatening to split open and swallow my sanity and control.
“I’m hanging on, but I want to do more than hang on. I want to enjoy my time with you guys, not be bounced from thing to thing, and feel like I can’t keep up. It scares me. That’s my hesitation. That’s all.”
Then I nod. “Your turn.”
Holden just hugs me until my worries seem to flee. His heartbeat is so strong, so calming. I exhale and Holden makes a soft sound. “There you go.”
“Are your hugs magic?”
“Human heartbeats tend to sync. I can’t hear yours, but since you can hear mine, it should help you calm down. I learned it in my first round of counseling.” He murmurs. “Plus eight to ten positive touches a day make for better mental health.”
“Full of knowledge, aren’t you?” I feel my face heat.
“I have to be with you around.” He kisses the top of my head. “If you feel overwhelmed, talking helps. It helps clear your mind. Other than fucking, which I’m more than happy to do as well.”
“But now I can be focused on the sex and not every other thought in my head.” I sigh, snuggling closer to him. “You’re so reasonable. How am I supposed to be irrational and bitchy when you’re so calm?”
“Let Gunner be bitchy for you.” He suggests.
I kiss Holden’s chest and nod. “I’ll meet the asshole.”
“I’m glad to hear it, baby.”
We manage to get through work, even with our sex break where Holden gives up almost immediately on trying to reconcile the books. By the time the end of the workday rolls around, I feel like I’m at least accomplished in one area.
Holden also shows me our to-do list. Roman got a photographer and the big things are taken care of. Until I notice something isn’t on the list.
“Hold,” I say.
He continues buttoning his shirt for dinner tonight and I tap him again. “Hold, we don’t have wedding bands.”