“I love you, Sophia.” I breathe. “It feels like nothing else matters but that.”
“I love you too, but I want to know the men I love. Which means talking about all that shit you listed, all those excuses. Let me understand.”
I kiss the top of her head and take a deep breath. “I didn’t get bulky until the military.”
“Really?”
“I was a scrawny nerd in high school. Numbers made sense. Languages made sense. Rules made sense and people didn’t. I got made fun of. Shoved around. Mocked for my accent. I’d forget words. Stutter.”
“Roman.” She rubs my arm and kisses my shoulder.
“Girls would ask me out on dares then laugh when I thought they were serious. The military seemed like a good option, so I took it. Dove into it. Ate it up.” I swallow. “Lost myself for a while, in drugs, bloodlust, doing what I was told without questioning. Then I met Gunner.”
“I still can’t believe they let him in.” She snorts.
I pull her chin up to look at me. “And he was willing to kick my ass for hurting you. He’s kicked my ass before. He’s my best friend, and he was ready to punch me tonight because you cried.”
She touches my face. “You’d look sexy with a black eye.”
“I don’t want to overstep with the guys when it comes to things, but I will dig into every memory. Every boring fact about me, tell you story after story. Their personal stuff, even the stuff that came out before I came to get you … that has to come from them.”
“Okay.” She agrees. “But you guys have to tell me. I can’t read your minds. I wish I could sometimes, but this is better. What you choose to tell me is important.”
I take a slow breath. “Sharing Bella was my idea.”
That gets her attention. I clear my throat and shrug. “I liked her; thought she had a good head on her shoulders. I knew she could handle it. She and I got close, not storytelling close, not going to Italy close, but … close. And then she got close to Matthew. It was like there was only room in her head, her heart, for one of us at a time.”
Sophie listens as I talk about it. About how Bella’s affection was separate from sex. How she would choose who she spent time with and how it shifted slowly. How it bothered us, drove us crazy. Steadily broke us apart until she ended things.
By the time I finish, she’s on my lap. She shakes her head and rubs my chest. “It’s not like that with us. It’s not. I love you all, all the time. I miss you when you’re at work. I miss Nick when he’s so exhausted that he just passes out at home. I miss Gunner when he goes out to the launch parties and events. I miss Holden when he can’t be around people. And I love each of you.”
“It’s taking some learning.” I chuckle.
“And I want to help with that. I want to help you – all of you – to know I’m not looking for a way out. I’m not looking to pick one of you and get married. And that’s not going to change.” She searches my eyes.
I nod and give her the cat. She holds it in her hands, turning it over before smiling. She hugs me and sighs. I realize I’m shaking, but I don’t care. Not right now. Not when things feel right and good again.
“I want to get the fuck out of Hawaii.” She breathes. “And I called Bella a bitch.”
I chuckle and kiss her. “Soon we can leave both behind.”