ROMAN
Irub my forehead. I should go after her. I should fix this. But what am I supposed to say? There are things that she doesn’t need to know. In our lives, in our past, between us guys. Sure, we’re all dating, but I’m still entitled to some privacy and so are they.
When the guys come back, Holden looks at Sophie’s seat, then at me. “Really?”
“Really what?” Gunner asks. “Where’s Sophie?”
“Ask Roman.” Holden glares at me.
“Don’t give me that look. She doesn’t need to worry about Bella and you shouldn’t have said a word.”
“She was crying. She’s torn up and confused. All you had to do was tell her that nothing is going to happen. That no one at this table is going to let Bella be stupid. That we love her.”
Now Holden’s on my back.
“And she was perfectly happy before it was brought up.”
“Before Bella started touching Gunner and girls started lining up to claim us one by one, sure.”
“She knows we love her. We say it all the time.” I insist. “We would do anything for her. Kill for her. Die for her.”
“Then fucking talk to her.” Nick agrees.
Gunner doesn’t say anything. He starts to get up. I sigh and stand. “I’ll take care of it.”
“It shouldn’t take me going to fix your shit for you to do the right thing.” Gunner growls. “She’s yours in public, but in private, we all pull our weight and make changes to make each other comfortable. Which is why I told you about the shit with Miles.”
I hold my hand up. “I already have Sophie, let’s not start this.”
“Maybe shit needs to be started.” Holden shrugs. “Maybe we should talk before you go to Sophie.”
I sit down, at my wit's end. They want me to stay, they want me to go. What the hell do they want. None of us are good at conversation. If we were, we wouldn’t have been in the military where the language of violence is universal. We don’t talk, we act. We share information when it’s need to know.
It worked with Bella.
That thought stabs my brain until I run my fingers through my hair. Nick leans forward. “This isn’t like with Bella and I think … I think that needs to be said out loud.”
“Yeah.” Gunner agrees. “Because honestly, I’m fucking terrified.”
Holden just sits there.
“I’m afraid she’s going to leave like Bella did. I’m terrified she’s going to realize someone her own age – one someone – is going to be better than we are. I’m so terrified, that I don’t want her going out alone. She wouldn’t do anything, but if I’m there, I can make sure no one else does.”
Holden motions to Nick.
“I hate that Gunner and Roman get so much time with her. She seems way more involved with you two and sometimes I feel like she wouldn’t notice if I left.” Nick nods, wincing even as he says it.
Holden points at me. I sit back in my chair. “I don’t want to let her in.”
Nick nods and Gunner shrugs. He’s the one that speaks up. “It’s terrifying but fuck it pays off, man. Reading with her in the tub was one of the hottest and most intense moments of my life and that was without sex being necessary.”
“So how do you do it?” I press. “How do you just … say what you’re thinking, feeling, what you want?”
“Make yourself. If a thought about her pops into your head, say it.” Holden levels his eyes on me. “Something reminds you of her, get it. Talk to her. Say the shit you don’t want to, the shit that feels fragile.”
“You’re talkative.” Gunner snorts.
“She cried.” Holden glares at him. “Sobbed in my arms, talked about getting a room of her own to wallow. She feels like shit and we told her this is more than sex. She’s proved it over and over. It’s our turn.”