I nod and sit taller in my chair. “I just have to do it.”
“Better to know now if he’s hung up.” The last woman snorts.
Well, that’s a great thought. I walk back to the table, kissing Dad’s cheek. Bella laughs at something one of the guys says, then I run my hand over Holden’s shoulder. Fuck her rules. Nick was right. Bella looks right at me, fury in her eyes.
“How rude of me. I just sat right down.” She stands and offers me her chair.
I wrap my arms around Holden’s neck and hold her gaze as I kiss his neck once. “I think I forgot something at the hotel, Holden. Will you come back with me?”
“Roman can do that.” Bella grits out.
“I don’t want to interrupt your conversation. Plus, we both know what good, respectable company Holden is.” I smile, then face him. “Please?”
He stands and takes my hand. “It’s not safe for you to go alone.”
Just like that, we walk away. It’s probably going to get Roman an earful, but I don’t care. When we get back to the hotel, I pull him to the hammocks that are out and sit down. Holden rubs my shoulders.
“What’s wrong, baby?” He asks.
“Bella’s being a bitch.” I finally say it. I’ve been trying so hard not to.
He kisses my shoulder and up to my neck. “Is that all?”
“It’s not a little thing to me!” I insist, facing him. “Flirting with you guys. And then Nick goes and has girls all over him. I was sure that you were going to have an adoring crowd just from going to get a drink. And I know you guys chose me. I know that. I know.”
“Are you convincing me or yourself?”
I swallow and shrug. “I don’t know, Holden. I feel like a little kid playing pretend at this stupid dinner. I don’t want to be here. Bella doesn’t want me here. She’s making sure to give us plenty to fight about.”
“Are we fighting?” His eyes widen and he takes my hand. “Sophie, none of us want anyone but you. God, one guy flirting with you and I guarantee you’re going to see a different side of Gunner. Roman might just throw you over his shoulder. Nick will … have his hands full trying to control them.”
“What about you?”
“I trust you.” He cups my face in both hands and kisses me softly. “I trust you and I know that it doesn’t matter what anyone else wants with you because you won’t give it.”
I sniff and nod, wiping at the rebellious tears rolling down my cheek. “Why does this feel so hard all of a sudden. It’s always been easy with us and now I just want to get a room of my own and curl up in a ball and … and.”
Holden hugs me, just hugs me. Nothing sexual, just his warmth washing over me. “You can cry right here.”
“I’m not supposed to be the jealous type. You guys share me and if you need more, I get it. I’m one person.”
“We don’t need more. We love you. We want you.” Holden promises. “Only you.”
“And then you go and say you trust me and I feel like I don’t trust you guys. I do. It’s just…”
“It’s hard.” He agrees. “Most girls worry about one guy and you have four.”
Holden lets me cry, just petting me and letting the crashing of the ocean do the talking until I feel like I have control again. I rub my nose and he strokes under my eyes. He gently kisses my forehead, then my nose, and finally my mouth.
He draws back and rubs down my neck. “We can all be with you without demanding sex. Let us be here.”
“Will you let me? Because I feel like something is being kept from me.”
“I don’t want to worry you.”
“I might be younger, but I’m just as much an adult.” I huff, switching back to anger like I’m about to go full PMS mode.
He stands with some difficulty, considering the rocking of the hammock, and catches me before I can storm away. “I know, baby. Nick is worried that you’re only jealous over Gunner. We’re all worried Bella is going to do something stupid and hurt Matthew because she’s afraid. Roman is brushing it all off, trying to see the best. A lot is coming out between us right now.”