“It’s the hand you’ve been dealt,” Hunter replies, direct and unflinching. “You can run. Sure. That would mean giving up school, giving up your job, and leaving your friends. It would mean losing.”
She throws a pillow at him. “It’s not a fucking game.”
“No, it’s your fucking life.” He hisses.
Chase holds up his hand. “Valerie, look at me please.”
She does, even if it takes her two tries to hold his gaze. She swallows.
“If you don’t want to see us again …”
Hurt and fury roll in me at that idea.
“I will respect it. But don’t make a decision about your future while you’re afraid. Don’t do it when you feel like your back is against the wall. How do you think we got roped into this? I wanted to be an ethical hacker or someone who makes video games and look at me now. Hunter wanted to be a Russian Literature professor. Lief …”
“Travel the world,” I answer.
She trembles and closes her eyes again, pressing her forehead to her knees. “I need to think. I can’t just … you three are dangerous and no matter how much I like you, no matter how much I like fucking you all, I can’t – can’t justify being some toy you pass around when you live this life. I won’t be collateral damage.”
Chase’s brow furrows. “You’re not a toy, babe.”
She meets my eyes. Maybe she didn’t tell the others about her home life. Maybe that was an in the moment thing, her trying to connect with me, to prove that she and I are more than just good in bed together.
I take a few steps towards her, moving slowly, trying to make myself small until I crouch down by her bed. I reach a hand out to her and she doesn’t flinch, so I slowly stroke over her shin. “It’s not the same as what you went through.”
“It’s worse. My father didn’t kill anyone,” She whimpers.
“I’m trying to put a stop to that,” Hunter says, still not looking at her. “We’re all trying to be better.”
Nodding, I ask Chase and Hunter to leave the room for a moment. They glare at me. I know they want to be involved in this. I know they’re determined to say and do whatever it takes to keep her as ours. But they will ignore reality for her and I won’t.
Hunter curses and they go into the hallway. Valerie lets her legs go and I wrap my arms around her, hugging her to my chest. She squirms at first, hits me, cries, then just lays against my chest once the remaining fight is out of her.
I kiss the top of her head and rub down her back. “This changes things.”
“What? Me watching you inject some guy with drugs and then seeing you and your buddy hunting me down? No. That’s just foreplay, right?” She scoffs, the sarcasm branding me.
Closing my eyes, I breathe her in. Dust, sweat, and salt cling to her, but there’s still Valerie. I squeeze her a little. “I meant what I said. I like you. I will protect you whether you choose to continue with us or not.”
“That’s not a simple choice.”
I lift her chin and stroke across her face, lightening my touch over a bad bruise. If he wasn’t already dead … no. That’s the kind of thinking that has us in this mess. She leans into my touch and closes her eyes.
“If you all were just colossal assholes who expected me to be okay with this, it would be so much easier,” She says. “But you didn’t tell me and being with you puts me in so much danger.”
But she doesn’t tell me no when I stroke through her hair. She looks at my hand, my two recently dislocated and fixed fingers, then my face. “I’ll be stupid if you three stay.”
“How so?”
“There’s too much in my head right now. I need to be alone. I can’t … I can’t think when you’re all here telling me things, talking my ears off, and trying to make this seem right.”
“It’s not right,” I whisper, kissing her forehead. “But you’re worth us breaking rules, worth trouble at home, worth waiting for.”
“Then wait for me. Somewhere else,” She scoffs.
“So you can run?”
Her jaw tightens and her mouth opens, then closes. “You just have all the answers, don’t you? I’m just a scared little girl who should-”