“He’s not going through it alone,” Nina replied angrily. “He has me. I’m the one who wakes up in the middle of the night to him screaming in pain. I’m the one who holds him when it gets so bad he passes out. When he wakes up and he’s shaking so bad he can’t hold his own glass of water, I’m the one who helps him. All you see is the asshole. You don’t see the guy who dropped out of high school and took night classes while working two jobs so his family could put food on the table, so his dad and little brother had the medicine they needed.”
Ethan stood stunned. He wasn’t sure which part of Nina’s outburst left him the most hurt and confused. Just what the hell was going on with his brother, and why hadn’t Rafe said anything?
Nina turned to Ethan, tears in her eyes. “You and Seb have always been so angry with him for never being there, but did you stop to think about why? Everything he did, he did for his family, without complaint and without even bringing it up, because he didn’t want anyone feeling guilty. When Seb applied to the THIRDS, who do you think put in a referral for him to get hired? When you applied, who fought tooth and nail so you’d get hired? The THIRDS is inclusive, but they were unsure if you could perform out in the field as a specialist with your mutism. They wanted to give you a desk job, Ethan. Rafe fought for you to receive equal treatment. He told them they’d be losing out if they didn’t put you out there.” She turned to Seb, her expression softening. “After the shootout, when everyone was out for your blood, demanding you be let go, who do you think went to the very top to fight for you? Rafe gave everything he had, put his own reputation on the line so they would give you a second chance.” Her resolve strengthened, and she wiped a tear away from her cheek.
“Rafe’s health has been deteriorating for some time, and he’s been trying everything to prevent….” She took a deep breath and released it slowly. “He has two years left out in the field. Three at most. The doctors have already confirmed it. Rafe’s going to end up in a wheelchair. Permanently. Like your father. He inherited your dad’s Therian Acheron Syndrome.”
Ethan’s heart dropped. He shook his head. No. That can’t be right.
“That’s why he’s so angry all the time. He’s been hiding it for years. The symptoms started appearing back in college, but they weren’t so bad, so he tried to ignore it. Then three years ago… the pain got too bad to ignore. It hit him hard.”
Ethan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His heart squeezed in his chest. Seb stood, but Ethan shook his head. He turned and left, grateful when Calvin stayed behind. He needed to see Rafe alone, needed to know if it was true. Ethan tried not to think about Rafe going through what his dad went through. The doctors said it was what had set off Ethan’s mutism. The trauma of seeing and hearing his father in so much pain, watching how it contorted his body. Worst of all was the flash of resignation in his father’s green eyes. That slip of a moment where it had been evident that he wanted nothing more than to end his own suffering. It didn’t last long before his father’s determination set in, but it was enough to haunt Ethan for the rest of his life.
Ethan rounded the corner and found his brother leaning against the corridor wall that led to the café. Rafe cut him off and held a hand up.
“I don’t need your pity parade. I can take care of my own shit. Always have.”
Rafe tried to limp off, and Ethan grabbed his arm. Please don’t go.
“Fuck off, Ethan. Don’t pretend like you give a shit. You and Seb made it pretty clear ages ago that I’m not part of your little club. Just because I’m going to end up a spaz like you and Dad doesn’t c
hange anything.”
Ethan flinched at Rafe’s callous words. They hurt, but he knew his brother was hurting worse. Stepping up to Rafe, Ethan wrapped his arms around him and hugged him close, refusing to let go when Rafe tried to push him away. His brother wasn’t really trying. He could have pushed harder. Ethan leaned his head against Rafe’s and whispered in his ear.
“I’m sorry.”
Rafe stiffened. It was the first time Ethan had spoken to him. Ever. Rafe wrapped his arms around Ethan, giving him a squeeze before burying his head against Ethan’s shoulder. Seeing Rafe so vulnerable was difficult. Rafe had never been anything but fearless and stoic. He made it a point never to show any weakness, or rather what he deemed weakness, in front of anyone. It was difficult for Ethan to hear Rafe’s quiet sobs.
When Rafe was ready, he pulled back and wiped at his eyes. The tears were gone, and his somber expression returned, but his eyes gave away the despair he was feeling. He cleared his throat and smoothed out his shirt.
“I always resented the fact you spoke to Seb and not me. I know I’m not fun like Seb, and that I’ve never been there for you, but you have to know it’s not because I didn’t want to be. I didn’t know what to do to help you, and that frustrated me. I’m not so good with feeling helpless. Seb always knew what to do when you got upset or scared. I made things worse.”
“That didn’t mean I didn’t need you,” Ethan said softly.
Rafe gave him a nod. “Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
“Is it true? You have what Dad has?”
Rafe inhaled deeply and nodded. He motioned over to the large fountain and the tiled seating around it. They walked over, and Ethan took a seat beside his brother.
“I was diagnosed years ago, but I was in denial. Seeing Dad struggling with his meds, confined to his wheelchair, how hard it was for Mom, for everyone, and knowing there was nothing I could do to prevent it… I couldn’t handle it. It made me furious, and I know it was wrong to take that out on you and Seb, but I was so angry. I was the oldest. It was my job to look after everyone, to provide for our family. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“Do Mom and Dad know?”
Rafe shook his head, his lips pressed together. “I don’t know how to tell Mom. It’ll be like Dad all over again, and that almost killed her. And now with this….” He motioned toward the corridor they’d come from and ICU.
“He saved Seb’s life.”
“I know. And I know it wasn’t his fault. It would make me so angry seeing Seb hurting like that.” Rafe let out a humorless laugh. “Anger seems to be the only thing I can feel these days. It was easy to hate Hudson for what he did. For breaking Seb’s heart, for leaving him when he was at his lowest, after Seb had risked his life and his career for him. I couldn’t understand it. Why the hell would Seb do something so stupid? Now I understand.”
“Nina.”
A smile came onto Rafe’s face, and it warmed Ethan all over. His brother didn’t smile nearly enough, if ever. It made him look like a different person. Someone not so angry at the world.
“It took me a while to realize she wasn’t going to go anywhere. I figured once she found out, she’d leave me. The first time I woke up screaming, I told myself she was out the door. Instead, she was focused and helped me through it. She wouldn’t put up with any of my shit. I tried to break it off, and she refused.” Rafe chuckled at the memory. “She actually refused. Just said ‘Nope, not happening,’ and then she made me soup.” He narrowed his eyes. “There was a fish head in it, but it was surprisingly good.”
Ethan laughed. He knew how much his brother hated eating things with eyes still attached. Rafe took a deep breath, and Ethan could have sworn his cheeks were flushed.