Seb shook his head. “That’s on me.”
“Listen to yourself! The guilt is still eating away at you.” Hudson turned away from Seb, his voice quiet. “Well, it eats away at me too. Can’t you see that? What we had died that day with that poor boy. There’s no bringing either back. Please, for both our sakes, let me go.”
“I can’t.”
“Then I’ll have to take the initiative.” Hudson met Seb’s gaze, his expression firm. “Unless there is no other option, considering we both work in the same unit, I’d like you to stay away from me. Good-bye, Sebastian.”
Hudson walked off, and Ethan’s heart sank. He’d thought that was it, but by the look on his brother’s face, it was clearly not over. Seb followed Hudson.
“I know what you’re doing, and you have to stop right now. You can’t hide your emotions away in a little box and lock them up without losing a piece of you, without locking everything else up too. I know you. You shut your heart away until you don’t feel anything at all. I won’t let you do that to yourself.”
“You really have no say in what I do or don’t do to myself,” Hudson replied sternly as he headed for the stairs with Seb on his heels.
Ethan quickly followed his brother, Calvin sticking close to him. He didn’t like where this was heading. Hudson was determined to push Seb away, and his brother was having none of it. After years of Seb backing off every time Hudson asked him to, it would seem his brother was trying a different approach. Ethan wanted to do something, but he had no idea what. They followed Hudson as he pushed his way through the crowd on the ground floor toward the front of the bar, when the brewing shitstorm erupted into a tempest.
Nina and Rafe sat in a booth by the door kissing.
Ethan could see the exact moment in which Hudson’s heart finished shattering, but Ethan had bigger concerns than Hudson at that moment, and it was in the form of his seven-foot, three-hundred-pound brother launching himself at his even bigger brother, Rafe.
“You son of a bitch!”
Ethan took a step back, shaking his head as Seb landed a punch across Rafe’s face.
“For years you blamed what happened on my being in a relationship with Hudson, giving me shit for it, and you’re with Nina?”
“Get the fuck off me!” Rafe growled, pushing Seb away.
Hudson stood frozen, his wide eyes on Nina. “You and him?”
Nina quickly exited the booth and held her hands up. “Hon, please let me explain.”
“Explain?” Hudson’s pale skin flushed a deep crimson, his eyes reddened and glassy. “How could you keep this from me? I confided in you. You knew everything. You knew that bloody arsehole tried to get me sacked, and you’re sleeping with him!”
Seb stared at Rafe in disbelief. “You tried to get Hudson fired?”
“He ruined your career,” Rafe spat out heatedly. “He put you and our family through hell. We got death threats!”
“What?” Hudson looked aghast.
“That’s right,” Rafe replied through his teeth. “Seb never told you, but we got threats. Someone jumped him and tried to stab him, and that was after someone tried to run him down. Bet he didn’t tell you that either. You ruined his fucking life!”
“He didn’t do shit except put up with your disgraceful behavior time and time again. You’re such a fucking hypocrite,” Seb growled, shoving Rafe.
Having had enough of getting pushed around by Seb, Rafe pushed back. A fight broke out between them, both ignoring Hudson and Nina’s pleas to stop. Ethan felt his anxiety bubbling up. He’d never liked it when his brothers fought. When he was little he’d cry at the top of his lungs, screaming until he was blue in the face and made himself sick. Soon the crying had become enough for them to stop, but when Ethan turned seven, he stopped crying, yet the horrible sick feeling it gave him remained.
During the really bad fights, he’d run to his room and shut himself in his closet with his headphones and his music so he wouldn’t hear them. Seb would always come find him afterward and apologize. He’d make Ethan hot chocolate and explain why they’d fought. It didn’t mean Ethan could stop feeling the way he did. For all of Rafe’s faults, he was still Ethan’s big brother, and he loved him.
Ethan wanted to shout at them to stop, but his throat closed up. He wished Sloane and Ash were here. Hudson wasn’t big enough to pull two tiger Therians apart, and Ethan didn’t want Calvin getting hurt. A crowd gathered, and Ethan felt his agitation growing. There were so many people, and the noise was hurting his ears. It was getting hard to breathe.
Seb punched Rafe, and Rafe tackled him to the floor. They thrashed around, cursing and shouting at each other, blaming each other, hitting.
Please, stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
Rafe grabbed Seb and hauled him to his feet. Ethan shook his head. He started to tremble and wheeze. He knew he shouldn’t fight it, that he could tolerate the discomfort. That it couldn’t hurt him and would dissipate soon enough, but he couldn’t stop himself. There was nothing he could do. His brothers needed him, and there was nothing he could do. He was a horrible, useless brother. Everyone probably thought so. They were probably watching him and wondering why he was so useless. Ethan’s heart raced, and his fingers got tingly. Sweat dripped down his face, and he made a strangled sound.
Calvin and Hudson were at Ethan’s side trying to calm him, but Ethan couldn’t breathe. There were so many people. It felt like everyone was watching him, judging him. He was frozen to the spot, his chest tight.
“Seb, it’s Ethan!”