“Why do you do it?” The words were spoken so softly, Dex barely heard them.
“Do what?”
“Believe in me like that. You don’t know any more about me than what I choose to show you, yet no matter what, you never lose faith in me.”
Dex smiled at him, his hand stroking Sloane’s arm. “You’re my partner, and because I care about you.”
“I… I need to go. Please.”
“Okay.” Dex nodded and stood, taking a step to one side, his hands shoved into his pockets. It hurt. It shouldn’t. Not this soon. Dex was screwed and he knew it. He watched Sloane head for the door and something in him broke. “Don’t go.”
Sloane stopped in his tracks, but didn’t turn around, didn’t speak.
“I know I should let you do whatever you need to do, whatever you’ve always done, but things are different now. You’re not alone anymore, Sloane. It’s not just about you. I know it sounds selfish, with everything you’re going through, and maybe it is, but I want to be there for you. I want to do whatever I can. I’m your partner, but… I’m also more than that, aren’t I? You don’t have to tell me everything. I won’t push you for answers. But please, stay. Don’t make me stand on the sidelines with everyone else.” Dex was exceptionally still, afraid if he made any movement at all, Sloane would disappear. He didn’t want to be on the outside looking in.
Dex held his breath, his teeth worrying his bottom lip. In his head, he prepared himself for disappointment. Months ago, when they’d been doing their dance around each other, Sloane had told him he’d grown up leaning on others, until they all left him and there was no one left to lean on except Ash. Sloane had grown accustomed to not needing anyone for anything until Gabe, and then Gabe was ripped from his life.
“You said it yourself. No matter what, I don’t lose faith in you. Well, maybe it’s time you have some faith in me. You know me. Whatever happens between us, you know I wouldn’t walk away from you, so please, don’t walk away from me.”
Sloane let out a shuddered breath and ran a hand over his face. He carried on to the door, and Dex’s heart plummeted. Not wanting to see him disappear, Dex went upstairs, his chest constricted. If Sloane couldn’t stay now, what possible future could they have together? Dex sat on the edge of his bed, trying not to give in to the sense of loss. Maybe that was the point. Maybe they had no future together. Was he really surprised?
The door closed downstairs, the sound reverberating through the silent house, and Dex cursed himself for being such an idiot, for ignoring the warnings in his head over and over. He leaned his elbows on his legs and let his head fall into his hands. Well, what else could he do but get on with it? He still had a job to do, and regardless of how Sloane felt about them, Dex wouldn’t give up on helping his partner through whatever hell storm awaited them. He got to his feet and froze.
“Sorry,” Sloane said quietly. “I was trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t result in you punching me in the face.”
“What makes you think I’d punch you?” Sloane wasn’t wrong. It was exactly what Dex wanted to do, but his stupid heart kept him from carrying through with it.
“No matter how hard I try to stay away, I keep coming back, and you let me.”
If the guy wanted an answer to his unspoken question of why Dex was allowing it, he wouldn’t be getting one, mostly because Dex didn’t have one. “Misery loves company, right?”
Sloane shook his head. “I don’t want you to be miserable, Dex. That’s why I keep pushing you away.”
For all his Team Leader’s smarts, sometimes he could be pretty damn thick. “If you haven’t noticed, that has the exact opposite effect.”
“I wish I could think of something better to say than ‘I’m sorry.’ I wonder how many times it’ll take before you stop believing me.”
“That won’t happen. I might tell you to take your sorry and shove it, but I won’t stop believing you mean it.”
Sloane chuckled, his smile the best thing Dex had seen in a long time. “Gotcha.”
Dare he ask? “So?”
“This is going to sound shitty, but I won’t lie to you. I can’t make any promises.”
“I don’t want promises. I want you to trust me and try. When that little voice in your head tells you to get out, you tell it to shut up, and instead of heading to the door, you turn your ass around, and you come to me. No more lone-wolf bullshit, or uh, lone jaguar.”
“Jaguars are loners by nature.” Despite his somber tone, Dex could see the smile in Sloane’s eyes, and it warmed his heart.
“Yeah, well, if you don’t change those spots, I’ll rearrange them for you.”
Sloane’s smile stole Dex’s breath away. He shoved his hands in his pockets and lowered his gaze to the floor, his cheeks somewhat flushed. His partner was looking like his old self more and more.
“Hey.” Dex held his hand out. “How about we get rid of some of this space between us?” He watched Sloane’s eyes shift to Dex’s hand before moving up to his face. A moment of hesitation, and in two strides, he had his hand in Dex’s.
“You really are amazing,” Sloane said, bending his head to Dex’s and kissing his lips. His mouth tasted of minty toothpaste, and Dex couldn’t help but melt into him, until he caught a whiff of his partner. He pulled back, scrunching up his nose. “I think maybe we should continue this in the shower. What do you say?”
“Deal,” Sloane laughed. He pulled Dex with him, when Dex’s cell phone buzzed.