CHAPTERFIFTEEN
RUX
The high energy and laughter of the party grated against Rux as he moved through the crowd. The excitement in the air felt like a personal insult. He didn’t even bother to try to talk himself out of it.
He paused by one of the wide-open glass doors, the magnificent view of the beach completely meaningless to his jaded eyes. Instead, he looked down into his glass, peering into the amber-colored scotch as if it had talked back to him.
He threw it down but continued to stare at the sand as if it, too, had a problem with him.
Just looking for something to fight.
The panther in him was practically stalking back and forth, growling, and swishing its tail. He couldn’t escape the agitation. It was as if his blood was on fire, burning his brain into thoughts of desolate rejection.
Someone nearby laughed loudly, and he scowled in their direction. He wanted to take them on just because they sounded so happy and carefree, just like he had been not so long ago.
Rux knew he was only fighting with himself. There was no point in starting something just to vent his frustration, especially since the conflict was only within his own heart. He slowly moved onto the deck, slipping into the shadows with graceful ease.
The sounds of the waves gently sighing on the shore hypnotized him, and he moved toward the beach, letting the steady beat calm him. He lost himself in the sound for a few moments and let the sea breeze soak into him as it brought scents from far away.
It’s no good. I can’t forget.
His fingers trembled as he tried to stop himself from clenching his fists. Loss was the only thing he could truly feel. It roared through him, pain and the sharp edge of rejection that added new notes to the grief he already wrestled with daily.
I showed her everything. I opened my damn heart so much I practically bled all over the floor! It’s exactly what Gerri told me to do … so why did it go so wrong?
It wasn’t just that Dana had told him she couldn’t deal with it. It was the confused look in her eyes, the hard set of her face, and the dismissive wave of her hand as she dropped the nuclear bomb on him.
He brought his eyes up to the nearby waves, his keen shifter eyes picking up breakers far out from the shore. The air seemed to be singing to him, a gentle lullaby that told him everything would be all right.
He took a deep breath and held it until his chest hurt before letting it trickle out slowly.
It’s all for the best. It hurts now, but it could have been so much worse.
She was his fated mate, and there would never be anyone else for him. That was simply a fact. But, so far, Dana was not a major part of his life. There had not been enough time for him to start building his routine around her continued presence.
That meant he could throw himself back into his work and use that to ignore the pain, just like he had already been doing.
Nothing will really change. She’ll fade away. I’ll never forget her, and I’ll never look at another woman ever again, but maybe, that’s exactly the way it should be.
He couldn’t even contemplate the torture he might have had to endure if they had gotten closer, maybe even moved in together, and then lost her.
Even if Dana was true, life was not. Life was cruel, and everything he loved would be taken from him eventually. He should be grateful that his heart had been spared.
He stood tall, lifting his nose to the wind. He let his senses stretch out around him, breathing in the salty, briny scent of the sea.
His skin reacted to the changing pressure in the air, the edges of warmth in the cool ocean breeze. As his shifter senses immersed him in the environment, he felt a smile creeping across his face.
You’re a damn fool, Rux. Listen to yourself.
It was easy to play these idiot mind games. His knee-jerk reaction was to talk sense into himself and internally kiss all his fantasies goodbye.
What a pity reality is not so easy to conquer.
He was going to chase after her all the way to the ends of the Earth. Self-denial, anger, and even plain old common sense had no influence over a lover’s heart. He would never give up on her, and it was as simple as that.
I better go look for her.
His panther growled in approval as they turned away from the beach. Humans could talk themselves into ridiculous states of mind as they fought their instincts. Shifters had no such luxury.