He seems pretty excited about it, so I agree to indulge him, “Sure, I’ll give it a shot.”
We stay in silence as he gets to work making the tea. When he comes back with the lemon-smelling concoction he made, I’m hesitant to try it. I told him I was game, so I didn’t want to back down. With one tentative sip, I’m happy I made the choice to go along with his choice. It’s perfect!
“Wow, this is great! If I knew how to make it this way, I’d be drinking chamomile all the time. “ I take a bigger sip, careful of the hot liquid. Tristan sits down and drinks from his teacup.
“Glad you like it.”
We sit in silence again for a few moments before he pushes his cup away and he leans back in his seat.
“Poppy, what’s going on? Why do you seem so shaken?” His voice is soft, but I can see the tension in his muscles.
When I look up at his face, along with the grogginess from the lack of sleep, I see the worry. I don’t want him to worry about me.
“Really, it’s nothing. just a bad dream.” I try to dismiss it, but Tristan tilts his head, letting me know that I’m not going to get away with just that explanation.
“That must be one hell of a nightmare if it has you over here looking like someone is going to jump out of your closet. “ He scoffs slightly but doesn’t move away.
I look at him, trying to find even one iota of judgment, but I don’t see anything like that. Instead, I see someone who is willing to hear me out, and more importantly, I see the man who used to be my friend. I don’t know if we are actively turning a corner, but that’s what it feels like. I’m hoping so because this feels more like what our relationship was like before he was taken.
Running my finger along the lip of the teacup, I decide to give a little more information which is the first I’ve talked about what happened all those years ago in a long while, “It’s just something that happened to me a long while ago. I mean, back when I was a kid. I managed to not have dreams about it for so long, but for some reason, something brought it back up to the surface. I have no idea what caused it, but it felt like I was right there all over again.” My chest tightens, and I pull my arms down to wrap around my midsection. My insides feel like they’re crawling, and I don’t know if it’s because I’m sharing a vulnerability with Tristan or because I can still feel that nasty old man’s hands on me.
“I hate that even now, it still bothers me. Hate that it feels so real.”
“It’s not. It’s not real, Poppy. It’s all just a dream. There’s no one here to get you.” He reaches over and takes my tea cup from me.
I can’t think of one thing that would bring the thoughts of that man back up. Whatever the reason, I hope this dream is the last because I don’t really relish waking up with clear images of that bastard in my head.
“You look so tense” Tristan rubs a hand on the back of his neck, and his eyebrows furrow in as if he’s deep in thought. “Look, I don’t know how you feel about it, I know I was a fucking jerk recently, but maybe you want to watch a movie with me? Have something to take your mind off what happened in your dreams?” He drops his hands by his side and sways slightly from side to side with anxious energy.
He’s asking me to hang out with him. I could jump for joy right now, but I don’t want to make a big deal out of things.
“Yeah, that would be really nice, actually,” I say and get up to go back over to his couch. He follows behind me and turns on the big screen tv.
We flip through a bunch of his streaming services and finally agree on watching the first Fast and the Furious movie. Honestly, I can’t stand the new ones, but at least the first few are watchable. We’ve both seen this movie countless times, so it’s a good choice to just lose myself in.
About fifteen minutes into the movie, I feel Tristan starting to get restless as if he’s uncomfortable. I am, too, but I don’t know how he’d feel about laying down. If this was before, I’d have no trouble telling him to lay down so I could snuggle with him, but now everything feels a bit like I’m walking on eggshells. He could take it the wrong way, and we’d be right back in the same position we were in before.
Screw it. I won’t know until I find out, right?
I figure if he doesn’t want to lay down, he can get off the couch and sit on the floor or somewhere else. I pull my legs up on the couch and shove him slightly in the direction I want him to lay. After a second, he gets what I want and arranges himself, so he’s behind me.
My heart starts to beat double time again but not because of the dream. Now it’s because of the feel of his arm around me. Tristan pulls me in close, and I snuggle back without hurting him. It’s been so long since I’ve been in his arms. I feel safe here. I know Tristan is still fighting his own battles, but I can see how hard he’s trying to come back to his family and me. I’m just scared because while I’m in his arms, I feel like nothing in the world can hurt me, yet, I know the man holding me is the one that can destroy me. It’s a lot of power for one person to have. I hope Tristan realizes that he’s got my heart in his hands.