CHAPTERSEVEN
POPPY
My dream come true is becoming a nightmare. When I found out that Tristan was still alive and was back here with us, I thought that I’d get some semblance of the man I once knew back. I understood that he had gone through something traumatic and would need some time to get over that, but I never thought that I’d be faced with learning who he was all over again. This Tristan is not the Tristan that I knew a few months ago.
“I don’t care! I don’t want you here!” Tristan yells at Corentina, and she jumps at the volume of his voice. I’ve been with Tristan as often as possible. And every day, I see Tristan pulling away from his family more and more. He refuses to talk to anyone, and when anyone tries to ask him any questions, he orders them away and tells them not to come back.
“Fine, Tristan, if that’s what you want, so be it.” She stares at Tristan for a second, but it’s like he doesn’t even want to acknowledge her presence. Corentina takes the hint and walks out of the room.
“Cor, wait,” I call after her and follow her out of the room. I catch up to her.
“I know he’s hurting, and all everyone is trying to do is help him, but I’m not going to be beaten down, even if it’s just verbally. I can’t come back while he’s like this, Poppy. Part of me thinks that’s just the way he wants it.” Corentina lets her head fall back, and a sigh bursts out of her mouth. When she lifts her head back up to look at me, I see the sadness lurking right there underneath, “Poppy, I don’t know if he’s going to let you get close enough. I don’t even know if you’re going to be allowed to stay for much longer with the way he’s kicking everyone out, but if you could just keep me up-to-date on his condition as long as you can. We’re all worried about him, but I don’t know if any of us are going to be the ones to help him through it. “
“I will, Corentina. You know he doesn’t mean anything he’s saying. It’s because of whatever happened to him .” I try to console her even though I can’t really explain what’s going on with Tristan right now any more than what the doctors have told us.
“I know, Poppy. I wish I could take away this hurt. I’m sure everyone in his family feels the same way, but he just won’t let us. “
She smiles one final time before she turns and walks away, leaving me as the last one standing when it comes to the people that Tristan has yet to throw out. Even if he does, I’m not going anywhere. He can snap and snarl at me all he wants, but I’m not going to leave him on his own
I watch as one of his nurses walks by and give her a small smile. I’ve been here so much that I know everyone that works on the floor and those that have been working with Tristan directly. There have been a few nurse changes since Tristan’s rudeness doesn’t just stop with his family. The health care team has been getting their share of his anger as well.
It’s around mid-day, so I’m sure Tristan must be hungry. He’s not a real big fan of the food here in the hospital, so I’ve been bringing him in things when I can. Somedays, he eats it, and there are other days when the food just sits there on the side of the table, going bad. Today I think a nice light pasta salad will be good.
I go down to the small deli at the corner and put the order in, along with getting him something to eat. I take the time to decompress a little. Being around Tristan feels like a constant battle, and I can only take so much abuse before I crack. I know that he’s going to be even more bitter when I come back into the room. It’s like he doesn’t want to have me in the room with him. Like just my presence pisses him off. I’m doing my best to let the dismissal and hateful words roll off my back, but it’s getting harder. I just need to get a small break from the anger that is Tristan.
Once I get his food, I make my way back up to his room, taking the small bit of peace I found outside with me into the room.
“Hey, so I figured you could use something to eat. I didn’t know what you were in the mood for, so I hope a pasta salad is good enough.” I give him a bright smile, but he just scoffs and looks away from me.
“You’re so fucking pathetic.” He mutters out. Low enough that I can barely hear him.
“Excuse me?” I put the bag with his food down and take a step closer to his bed.
“He turns his head back in my direction, anger and acid lacing his words as they come out of his mouth, “I said you’re fucking pathetic! What are you still doing here? You need to take the hint like everyone else!”
“No, there’s nothing that you’re going to say to me right now that’s going to get me to leave you. I know exactly what you’re thinking about trying to get me to do. It’s not going to work.” I clench my jaw together. I knew he was going to try and get me to leave, but I didn’t think that he’d do it so quickly.
“Of course not. Of course, you’ll stay here and be my whipping girl. You just have to be the fucking martyr, don’t you.” Tristan snarls at me and pushes himself up higher in the bed. “What don’t you understand, Poppy? I don’t want your sympathy or your help. I barely want to look at you. Get the hell away from me. That’s what I really want.”
“Tristan, you know that you don’t mean that. I’m not trying to be a martyr for anyone. I just want to be here for you. That’s all I’m trying to do.” I can feel the emotions building up behind my eyes, but I don’t want him to see me cry. I don’t want him to know that his words are affecting me so deeply. How can I ever look myself in the mirror again if I sit here and break down into a ball of emotions while he’s the one that should be crying?
I know all of this is only to hide the fact that he’s hurting on the inside, but I never thought he would ever lash out like this.
“I know why you’re here. I know exactly why you think you need to stay here. It’ll never happen, Poppy.” He glares at me, and I do my best to keep the dread from showing on my face.
“What are you talking about?” I cross my arms over my chest.
Tristan heaves out a deep sigh before he continues, “Poppy, don’t be ridiculous. I heard you last week. I heard every word you said about how you so-call feel about me and how you were sorry that you never told me. I know exactly how you feel, but it makes no difference to me. Whatever fairytale you’re cooking up In your mind is never going to fucking happen. So drop this ridiculous attempt to get me to feel something that I’ll never feel. Get the hell away from me.”
I gasped, and my mouth opened for a few seconds before I closed it and looked down.
Tristan would have never said this to me before. Maybe he really did lose himself back when whatever happened to him.
“Tristan . . . I—”
“Get the fuck out!” Tristan roars, and I turn on my heel and run out.
Just as I get back toward the elevator, I see Clover is coming out. She’s been coming up to check on me from time to time since she knows I’ve been staying here most of the time with Tristan.