She would be alone, yes—but she would be alive.
“You can’t be here for this,” I said.
“You would leave me in this world all by myself? You forced me here, you made me fall in love with you, you made me need you as I need air and water”—her voice broke—“and now I’m supposed to walk away?”
She went to shove me again, but I caught her wrists. She was crying too hard to fight me.
“Natalia . . .”
“I already lost my baby,” she whispered, looking down as her body shook with more sobs, silent this time. “Wasn’t that enough? Why do you continue to push me to be strong if I have nothing to live and fight for?”
I’d thought she’d broken my heart already, but now it shattered. “Hush,” I said, gathering her in my arms, holding her as tightly as I could. She wailed in a tortured way I’d never heard from her as she crumbled against my chest, and I had to inhale up at the ceiling to stop from shedding my own tears. To stop from breaking down and giving in to her.
“I shouldn’t have fought back.” Her tears soaked my shirt. “I should’ve waited for you to come.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I-I’d played his game . . . if I’d only kept pretending, at least until you were able to come—”
“You had to fight, Natalia. You had to.”
“I wished the baby away,” she said. “I tried to convince Diego I didn’t want it so he wouldn’t see it as my weakness—and I lost the baby. The miscarriage was my fault.”
No. No, my love. She blamed herself for it? No wonder she was inconsolable. I took her arms and shook her gently to rouse her from her grief. She looked up at me, red-rimmed eyes glistening with overflowing tears. “Listen to me,” I said. “You did exactly what I told you to.” I took a breath. “And now you have to do what I say only one more time.”
“No,” she said. “Please. No.”
“Natalia,” I said, keeping my tone as even as I could manage. “Everyone is waiting for you.”
“So send them away.”
Adrenaline coursed through my veins. Fear. Desperation. To keep her here with me. To pick her up and physically carry her downstairs. She was making this impossible, and I was about to lose my temper. I had to be cruel. “You’d be willing to die now, this moment? You’re ready to burn alive? Because that’s the fate you’re asking me to give you.” I stared at her. “You’re not that goddamn short-sighted—you have a life to live, and it doesn’t end today.”
I expected her to continue railing at me, but instead, calmness settled over her. “I’m not going anywhere without you, and I don’t want to. I would rather burn by your side now than spend an eternity in Heaven alone, so good luck trying to convince me otherwise. Now, tell me how this works.”
I was wrong—it wasn’t calmness. It was resolution. It was the demise of my arguments against her. My demise. Hers. “I’m going to die today—that’s how it works,” I said.
“Then I will, too,” she responded without hesitation. “I asked you not to spare my life at the expense of others, but you did when Diego asked you to make the deal. You were willing to ruin all those lives to keep me safe.” Her voice softened. “It’s my turn to make a hard decision. Don’t take my choice from me. Don’t fail me now and treat me as Diego and my father did. I chose you because you’re not them.”
That wasn’t fucking fair. After all the ways I’d pushed her to be her own woman, she knew her autonomy was a plea I couldn’t deny.
To lead a life without Natalia would be true hell, but to take her life with mine? That was what I’d be doing.
I thumbed the corners of her mouth as she looked up at me eagerly. I searched her eyes, gripped her face, and gave it my best shot. “You know my love for you spans the world. It trumps time, space, human life. I chose you knowing hundreds would suffer. I could never make a decision that didn’t put you above all. Please, Natalia. I beg you. Go.”
“Over my dead body. Do you hear me? Alejandro will have to drag my corpse out of here.”
I stared my very beautiful, very angry—very much alive—wife in the face. If I forced her to go, I’d be making decisions for her as others had.
Her determination would be her downfall. But she’d made it clear—that was her choice.
I told her the truth, start to finish.
31
Natalia
A breeze from the sea cooled my clammy skin as Cristiano, Alejandro, and I hurried from the house down to the ship. Still docked, our loved ones were at risk—but I had one thing still to do.