“Not really.”
Water cut through the grime on Luca’s skin. Nox couldn’t stop from following the flow all the way to Luca’s ass crack.
He not only had mud between his cheeks, but there was a leaf stuck to the right one.
Nox forced himself to stare at the wall in front of him. “Even when you were in high school?” He wet his head.
“I didn’t go to high school.” Luca held out a bottle of shampoo. “Here. I used some of it, the other one you grabbed is lotion.”
Nox took the bottle. There was just enough to fill his palm. “Why not?” He worked the shampoo into his hair and used the rest to soap up his skin. The black sludge stuck to his body let go.
“I got sick at eight and was in and out of the hospital for years. After I went into remission, I was so far behind, it was pointless.”
“But you got an education.”
He knew about computers and could read.
“Koda, then tutors.” Luca worked his hands through his hair. Wet, the dark chocolate locks were black. “I was caught up enough for high school at fourteen, but then I relapsed.” He added shampoo, building up fluffy white mounds. “I fell behind again, then Koda died. I mean… I thought he died.”
Nox’s gaze wandered back to where it didn’t need to be. Clumps of soap bubbles spread, catching a ride on the streams of water and slid down Luca’s spine. The globes of his ass cheeks were the perfect size to be gripped.
Nox turned down the hot water. The chill soothed the heat trying to settle in his balls.
“Did your hot water run out?” Luca moved out of the range of castoff spray. “That’s like ice.”
“I need it.”
“What on earth for?”
“Because I don’t want to do something stupid.”
Luca almost turned around but seemed to catch himself. “Like kissing me?” He continued to wash.
“Okay, stupid is the wrong word.” Nox rinsed his hair. “Selfish.” When he came out from under the water, Luca watched him over his shoulder. “You need someone your own age.”
Luca turned away. “I’m not going to live long enough for a relationship with someone my own age. With those things, those Anubis after me, I might not even live till tomorrow.”
A dull ache rolled through Nox’s chest. “You don’t want to be with me, Luca.” No matter how much Nox wanted him to.
“Because I’m inexperienced and don’t know what I want?”
“No, because I shouldn’t want to be with you.” The pain in Nox’s chest grew thorns. Luca’s scent shifted with the volatile emotion. “I react to you.” The discomfort did not recede. “We’re not supposed to physically react to anyone except the ones we share a death with.”
Luca stood still. “Why?”
“From what I remember, it was to ensure the only attachment we formed, the only loyalty we had, was to our teammates and our Alpha. No one else mattered.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“The way it was explained to me is physical contact is one of the most basic primal instincts to ensure survival. Think about pack animals. They sleep together, eat together; there’s a hierarchy, they work as a team to survive.”
“Those are animals.”
“Human beings are animals. And when you scrape away all the culture, the civility, the bullshit, what’s left is controlled by the Anubis, not me.”
“You seemed pretty controlled last night.”
“Because it got to protect you. To it that’s as good as fu—” Nox shut his eyes for a moment. “It enjoyed it. And it likes to do the things it enjoys. But trust me, if we’d been in that car any longer, it would have fought me, and I’m not sure I could have held it back.” There’d been nights in the cell when all they did was take each other. Sometimes violently, sometimes in a languid flow of bodies. Fighting it only made things worse. In the beginning, most of them had fought the Anubis because they were married, their sexual preference, or just on principle. But none of it mattered to the Anubis because it had no concept of those human boundaries. It simply wanted what it wanted.