Oh. I rubbed at the ache in my solar plexus. “Well, I don’t think that’s really—” I began, shaking my head.
“Well, I don’t think you’re very good at looking at things objectively,” Kev interrupted in a quelling sort of way. “For one thing, I don’t believe your feelings were one-sided.” He lifted his chin defiantly.
“It’s true,” I assured him. “I overheard Huxley mentioning how Riggs got in trouble for screwing around while he was on the job once before. And his boss said guarding me was his punishment. And when his boss joked that I was probably a difficult person to guard? Riggs hardly defended me at all. Plus, I begged him to be honest with me the whole time we were in the jungle, and he promised he would… but then he wasn’t because he didn’t tell me who the, uh, other hostage being held with us was, even though he knew.” I kept Buck’s name out of it, since that didn’t seem relevant.
All four of them stared at me, stunned speechless by Riggs’s treachery.
“I know, right?” I sighed. “It’s a lot. So now I just have to get over the disappointment. I thought it would be easier than this, though.” I forced a little smile. “I mean, objectively speaking, we spent hardly any time together.”
Grandfather shook his head and sighed. “I blame myself for this.”
“You shouldn’t, Grandfather! God, no! Just imagine how bad the situation could have been if Riggs hadn’t been there.”
“No, Carter, I don’t blame myself for hiring Riggs! I blame myself for giving you that ill-conceived advice when you were a teenager.”
“What?” I blinked. “It wasn’t! It was smart.”
“What I should have said was, trust how the person makes you feel, son. Does he make you feel good? Strong? Happy even when life is at its worst? Do you trust him? Then you’re a lucky man, and you should hold on tight.”
“Wait.” I scowled. “Wait, no—”
“Carter, that evidence you just presented…” Tucker shook his head and trailed off.
“It’s so thin you can see through it,” Dunn concluded cheerfully. “You can hardly hold things the man’s boss said against him. That ain’t fair.”
“Or things that happened on a previous job,” Tucker added, wrinkling his nose. “You can’t blame a person for the people he dated before you.”
“Can’t you?” Dunn asked, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek. “Does that mean we can talk about my ex, Jenn—”
“Not. In. This. Lifetime,” Tucker said firmly.
Dunn nodded, a little smile on his lips as he placed a proprietary hand on the back of his husband’s neck. “Right. Thought not.”
“Okay, fine,” I agreed. “But even if you discounted those things…”
“Then you’d have a bodyguard acting like a bodyguard,” Grandfather said.
“Precisely,” I agreed. “That’s the problem. I don’t want to be his principal.” I wanted to be his lover. His… love.
Kev frowned. “But isn’t that a little like saying Grandfather was treating you like a patient when he told you to eat vegetables? I mean, sure, he’s a doctor, and doctors tell patients to eat vegetables. But he told you because you’re his grandson and he loves you and wants you to be healthy. He can’t separate his doctor-ness from his grandfather-ness. Riggs can’t stop protecting you just because he has feels. In fact, he’d protect you even harder because he does.”
I blinked. “But… no. You’re missing the point.”
“Or you are,” Tucker said.
They made it sound so simple, but it wasn’t. It couldn’t be…
Could it? Could I really have fucked this up so thoroughly?
“You’re trying to control things. You’re protecting your heart by pushing him away before he can push you away,” Grandfather pronounced.
“Even though he wasn’t gonna push you away.” Kev moved to hand me his Horn, which displayed the group chat between my Horn, his, and Huxley’s. “Read.”
I took a deep breath, suddenly afraid, and clenched my hands into fists. “I don’t need to read. I was there when he was chatting with you guys, remember? And I had the Horn while we were on the plane…”
“I don’t think you read this section.” He gestured again. “Go on.”
I licked my lips, took the Horn, and started scrolling through the conversation Riggs and Huxley had the night before the plane. With every word Riggs wrote about me, I felt my stomach and cheeks grow warmer, like all the parts of me that had iced over that day on the plane were thawing finally.
Carter’s a good man. Generous and kind. Funny as hell. Smart as fuck. And when he smiles… he makes people feel like they can do anything. I like him, Hux.
“Wow,” I whispered. “Wow.”
It wasn’t a declaration of love. It wasn’t hearts and flowers and poetry.
It was so much more than any of that. It was real and genuine talk from a Marine who didn’t mince words and had no ulterior motive for typing what he’d typed.