“It’s over,” Bastien said softly. He tried to soften the words because he knew they would hurt her.
“No,” she cried shrilly as tears started pouring. “No. You can’t do this to me.”
Despite always being utterly transparent with her about what he could and couldn’t give, Bastien had known this day would eventually come, and when it did, it wouldn’t be pleasant.
And it was inevitable this would happen, not because of Thalia’s return but because he simply didn’t want to ever care for anyone again the way he had for his princess. He gave his sacrifice for the greater good and easily accepted the pain that came with it.
He was never doing it again, and he knew that what he had with Merrilyn would end.
Now was the time.
“I’m sorry,” Bastien said as he stood. He was not a completely hardened man and had empathy for her tears as she put her hands to her face and wept. He even had a strong urge to gather her in his arms and soothe her until she was done crying.
But he also knew that any affection or attention at this point would give Merrilyn false hope. He had to make a clean break, and he’d given her his reasoning for doing so.
He simply couldn’t maintain a relationship with Merrilyn and have the time and focus to protect Thalia.
Even as he thought that, he cringed inside because he knew that wasn’t the entire truth. Since Thalia’s return, he simply didn’t want Merrilyn anymore.
Yes, his duties were more important than ever, and he intended to stay close to Thalia until this was over. As they moved forward to battle against Ferelith, Thalia’s life would be in grave danger.
But the truth he struggled to accept was that the minute Thalia came back into this world, everything about a relationship with another woman felt wrong.
It made no sense to him.
He felt nothing for her.
Well, mostly nothing, but he did not love her. He did a check of his heart, and it was closed to Thalia. He had no fairy-tale dreams of marrying her and having children and growing old together. Bastien’s future was about winning this war, and nothing more.
So it was utterly confusing why he felt guilty about having Merrilyn when he was well within his right to be with another woman. He owed Thalia nothing, and she should expect nothing. He’d betrayed her, and even if his heart could work again, she’d never want anything to do with him.
And yet, now that he had broken things off with Merrilyn, he felt lighter and more at peace with Thalia’s return.
He resisted the urge to reach out and touch Merrilyn in a gesture of sorrow for hurting her, instead exiting the cottage. He immediately thought of the military dormitories and training fields on the eastern side of Clairmont and bent distance to travel there.
* * *
Bastien found his brother coming out of the stables.
“Everything okay?” Kieran asked as he approached.
“I just broke things off with Merrilyn,” Bastien replied.
His brother scoffed and turned toward the little pub that had been built on the outer edge of the military post. “I was talking about with Thalia.”
Bastien wasn’t surprised that Kieran had no concern about his breakup with Merrilyn. He knew as well as anyone that it was never going anywhere.
Bastien also knew that Kieran had been asking about Thalia, but he found talking about her so uncomfortable he’d rather discuss the intricacies of breaking up with a woman he’d been having a sex-only relationship with for the last couple of years.
However, he graced his brother with the information he sought as he walked beside him. “Thalia’s fine and at Conclave Hall.”
They reached the Druid’s Folly, a pub built by a Scrinia who had more fondness for ale than researching and recording history or teaching magics. More entrepreneur than sorcerer, he thoughtfully built the wood hut near the military barracks and even put in a walk-up window for hungry customers to order the only two things on the menu—ale and roasted pig.
Some may say that was shortsighted, but the soldiers were happy with the offerings.
A buxom woman manned the window, and Kieran held up two fingers, which promptly produced two copper tankards of beer. He tossed the woman a coin and winked at her. She sighed and fluttered her eyelashes. Bastien was amused.
His brother made all the ladies act crazy in his wake.
They found an empty table under some oak trees and sat.
“So, how did Merrilyn take it?” Kieran asked, being a polite but concerned brother.
“As you’d expect,” Bastien replied.
And that conversation was over, because Kieran knew as well as Bastien that Merrilyn’s feelings were tied up.
The brothers sat in silence for a bit, sipping their ales and watching training exercises going on in a nearby field. The clang of metal swords and grunts of exertion were music to the two Dunne men who’d devoted their lives to the army.