“Gerwyn would be great, wouldn’t he?” she says. “It would make it so much easier to double date. We could be besties across your landing.”
She has a point on that.
“Maybe I should focus on Gerwyn, then.”
She pulls a face. “Not sure I’ll like his quirky dress style, though. I’d prefer someone a little bit more…”
I read her pause. “A little bit more… like Ant, you mean?”
She nods. “Yep.”
I love her enthusiasm about my boyfriend.
We manage to talk through Gareth and Brian and Stu and Evan before Toni arrives for her appointment. This time Toni has her fiancé along with her to meet us, and he’s a really nice guy, looking at her like she’s amazing, because she is, but there is a certain comfortability in it that’s hard to place. Something that makes their relationship feel a little… taken for granted. It’s lovely, but it only brings home again just how lucky I am. The way Ant looks at me is a whole other league. So powerfully, and so unrestrained, and so totally and utterly in love.
Janie and I resume our Berlin conversation as soon as Toni and Leon are out of the door.
“So, what are you wearing for Finn’s party?” she asks. “Have you got your outfit picked out yet for the epic girlfriend reveal?”
I’m still torn between looking very professional and reserved, or very glamorous and sparkly. I tell her so and flick through some of the options on my phone.
“Go glamorous,” Janie says. “Shine on his arm to match your jewellery. The Berlin team must see professional looking all day every day, so go for a statement introduction. Make them go wow.”
“Good point,” I say and show her a shimmering black gown that I’ve had earmarked for some time, on my wish list at one of my dream stores. It costs a whole lot more than I’d usually spend on an outfit, especially since I have a stack of occasion dresses hanging in my wardrobe for work events, but Janie nods in a heartbeat.
“Yep. That one! No doubt about it.”
“You sure?”
“Yep. That one. Buy it now.”
My finger hovers over the purchase button, because in my whole, entire life I’ve never spent that much on a dress before. It gives me a weird realisation in that moment, just how life with Ant is affecting me and my expectations already. Once upon a time I’d have dismissed such a purchase as wish list only, but I can’t deny it now – I have a huge desire to live up to Ant’s lifestyle and the people around him. I want them to see the woman in me that he does, and for them to give him the nod of approval that confirms to him that I’m good enough.
“Do it,” Janie says again. “It’ll be worth it. Ant’s eyes will light up even more than they do when he sees you normally.”
I can’t imagine that, but it’s worth a shot. I click to buy, and immediately get a rush of what the hell. I’ve just spoiled myself with a purchase from my dream list. Next day delivery, with a tick on my screen.
I’m so excited when the parcel arrives at the office next morning. My hands are shaking as I unwrap the packaging, and sure enough, the dress of my dreams is even more gorgeous than I expected. The velour is absolutely sleek, and the neckline is a beautiful low dipped heaven, and the split will easily be up to mid-thigh.
I’m trembling nervous when I head into our dressing room to try it out, in case I don’t live up to its shape or its style or its brilliance, but Janie’s grin as I step out and give her a twirl is all the reassurance I need.
“Bloody hell,” she says.
“Bloody hell?”
“Yeah, just… just bloody WOW!”
I feel just bloody wow as I take a twirl for myself, checking my reflection out with a smile. My confidence is blooming along with my spirit. I feel beautiful in this beautiful dress, and that’s all down to him. Ant. The man who loves me.
Janie puts her arm around my waist and gives me a sigh.
“Please, please, Cass. Please make sure you find me an Ant to match yours.”
I pull her close and grin at our reflections, loving how much of a friend she’s becoming to me.
“I’ll do my very best,” I tell her, and I fully intend to.
I feel like a champion for making it through yoga with a sore, battered pussy and ass, and I’m glad about that. I’m having way too much fun with Janie and Penny to skip a week.
I’m fresh back from swimming when Ant calls me on Thursday night, my hair still scraped up in a bun. I give him a wave onscreen, my stir fry pan already out and ready to start my cooking, but he doesn’t wave back.