Is this the little boy in him, hurt and cold? Angry.
“Cheating isn’t just about fucking someone, Cass. Cheating isn’t just physical. Acting on something and touching someone isn’t the point you become guilty. I imagine Jack was pretty damn sure he had feelings for someone else and that they were reciprocated before he told you about them.”
I think back to it. They got to know each other for a while, sure, so I guess that’s true enough.
“Yeah… but he did tell me, before he got with her.”
“Not fucking soon enough,” Ant hisses. “He should have told you the very second the thoughts came into his head. They must have been talking about it. Discussing emotions and feelings for each other behind your back. He must have been thinking about her, falling in love with her, getting feelings strong enough to fucking abandon you over her before he decided to tell you about it.”
I have no argument for that, because it must have been the truth.
Ant relaxes enough to roll away from me.
“He’s a cunt,” he says, like it’s a finality.
I don’t know what to say to that, so I say nothing. I feel stupid, and guilty out of nowhere. Like I’ve been a fool.
We’re silent for a long minute before he speaks again, and this time nice Ant is back. He holds me tight with a sigh.
“I’m sorry, Cass, I just hate what he did to you. I hate how he mistreated you and disrespected you like that. It’s disgusting.”
I’m still reeling, because I’ve never seen cheating in that way, and I’m not sure many other people do either. Ant’s got a point, though. A very strong one.
As usual, he’s very good at backing it up.
“Sweetheart, I will never disrespect you like that, and I will never betray your loyalty like that, and I certainly would never cross the line by coming anywhere near close to acting on it. You have my word.”
“Thank you,” I say, and try to lighten the tone. “It’s very much a ditto from me.”
“Tell me,” Ant says as we lie in the lamplight. “Did you fuck that cheating prick in this bed?”
“Yep,” I reply, as there is no point in playing it down.
“Then let’s erase him from the memories.”
Ant climbs on top of me, eyes dark in the lamplight as he opens my legs and lifts them back. His cock is already rock-hard, and I’m worried about the noise we might make.
But I needn’t worry. My God how he fucks me, with a possessive, powerful glare in his eyes that drives me crazy. So slow, building rhythm, and when I start to breathe heavy and hard, he knows I’m about to come. He picks up the pace, still slow, still quiet, and when my body shudders and my teeth grit, he comes inside me. It takes everything I have not to scream the place down, and he’s right. Jack’s long gone from this bed.
He sure as hell never made me come like this in it. Not even close.
Mum cooks us a big roast dinner, her trademark Sunday speciality. Ant loves it, showing his appreciation with an mmm, this is excellent, pretty much every mouthful. Mum looks so proud of herself that it makes me grin across the table.
Ant and I pack our cases together and I only wish we were staying longer so that Ant had more of a chance to get to know Bucklebury, and to meet Michelle and Tommy, and spend more time with my family.
Still, we’ll do it again. Soon, I hope.
There’s a pang of something else, too. Ant’s promise of what was to come after our Bucklebury trip. I remember our conversation, every word…
“I’m going to be taking more guys next time?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. I’ve already got them lined up for you. They’ll be here just as soon as we get back from Bucklebury.”
He’s never mentioned it while we’ve been here. Maybe he’s forgotten all about it. I can hope.
Ant hugs my mum, then shakes Dad’s hand.
“Thank you, Kate and Brian. You’ve made me feel so welcome. It’s been a pleasure to meet you.”
“The pleasure is ours,” Mum says, and Dad nods.
“You’re a great guy,” Dad says. “Just what our girl needs. She deserves it.”
“Yes,” Ant replies. “She sure does.”
They wave us off from the drive and here we go, back on the road. Bye bye, Bucklebury.
Ant’s talking about our next trip as soon as we pull away. How excited he is to meet Michelle next, and all the places he wants to visit, including going to watch Rovers playing football.
I’m thankful that he’s not mentioned the mattress room when he pulls in at the side of the High Street and heads out to the boot with a smile. He returns with a bottle of De Chante and my heart freezes. This is it. The warmup.