“I thought… Ha!” I keep on laughing. “I thought it might be some random guy’s things who lives in the house with you. Like he might be one of the mattress guys moving in to have a go whenever he wants. So bloody stupid.”
He doesn’t laugh along with me at all. He puts his knife and fork down.
“Cass, seriously. Do you really think I’d have a random guy staying across the landing who wants a piece of your pussy every chance he gets?”
“No!” I assure him. “I know, it’s stupid, it’s just… it was a shocker.”
“Good,” he says. “Because anyone I invite onto the mattress will always be totally fucking anonymous. You won’t ever get to know their names, let alone end up living with them. Do you understand that?”
My laughter stops.
“Yeah, I understand that. Sorry, the thoughts were crazy.”
“Yes. They were. Really damn crazy.”
The atmosphere is so tense I wish I’d never even mentioned the topic. I should have had enough faith to realise there was a completely mundane explanation. I try to change the focus with a smile.
“So, Gerwyn has his stuff here? Does he visit a lot?”
Ant shrugs, picking up his cutlery.
“He’s my direct assistant. We work pretty closely. So closely that he virtually lives with me in Berlin, and quite often comes here.” His tone lightens and he smiles. “Can’t get away from the bastard sometimes.”
I’ve heard a fair bit about Gerwyn, but I’ve never heard how close they are in Berlin, and I’ve definitely never heard about him being over here with Ant, in Malvern.
“You’ll like him,” Ant tells me. “Gerwyn is quite a quirky guy, but he’s got an excellent work ethic. Ambitious, and talented, with a great eye for detail.”
I’ve heard all this before. I know how good Gerwyn is at his job. I hear it whenever Ant talks about Berlin and his achievements of the day.
“He likes chequered shirts and tweed, then?”
Ant laughs, back to his happy mood.
“Yeah, like I said, he’s quite quirky. He looks like he’s from an aristocratic party, and sounds like it, but he’s anything but. He went to posh boy school right from when he was tiny, but his parents were pricks. He ended up moving out before he went to uni, then quit uni after one year and took a job in a bloody amusement park in Germany. Hence his suitability for the role in Berlin. He has the language skills.”
This is the first real insight I’ve had about him. Ant’s eyes show me that Gerwyn is a friend, not just a work colleague, and I get a rush of happiness. It’s lovely to see that Ant actually has a friend.
“He took a job in Germany?” I push, and Ant carries on talking.
“Yeah, he was dressing up like a cartoon prince every bloody day. I’ve seen some of the pictures and they’re fucking hilarious.”
“What made him come back to the UK?”
Ant gives me one of his smirks. “The same thing that usually makes people up sticks and relocate their jobs, Cass. He met someone. Someone on vacation who convinced him to fly back with her to the UK. He lived with her for years, over in Worcester.”
“They broke up?”
“Yeah, they did.”
“That’s sad. Could have been quite a love story. A girl meeting a cartoon prince on vacation and setting up a life with him for all time.”
“Might well end up being for all time in Gerwyn’s head,” Ant laughs. “He’s still besotted with her, no matter how much he fucking denies it.”
I feel my tattoo burning on my wrist as the memories slam back into me, of being in the same position. Insisting I was over Jack to everyone around, even though I was still crying over him every night.
“Anyway,” Ant says. “You’ll end up meeting him soon enough. He’s looking forward to it. He can’t wait to see the woman who’s got me for keeps.”
I get a burst of excitement at the thought. Soon I’ll be in Berlin, exploring a whole other side of Ant’s world.
“I can’t wait.”
I race to clear up our plates myself again, just as soon as dinner is done. Ant tries to wave me down, saying I must be tired after work and swimming, but I don’t listen to him, clearing up the kitchen while he watches. It’s the very least I can do.
We’re right back to normal, and it’s lovely. Having him back here with me is everything I want. In the past few days I’ve missed him so much, even though I’ve been too busy to realise it. The love in his eyes makes me want to snuggle up beside him for all time.
And fuck him, too.
Him and anyone else who he sends through the door to me. That’s what I tell myself.
“What time can you finish work tomorrow?” he asks as we make our way upstairs.