Will she still see it as the fairy tale it looks like, or will she think I’m just a dirty slut who’ll take any guy’s dick when she’s told to?
I know the fear is all in my head – just me being scared of the forbidden. Loads of people are dirty and love filthy fantasies, and that’s amazing. I just didn’t think I’d be one of them, spreading my legs wide open for a stranger as my boyfriend watches. Spreading my legs open for as many strangers as my boyfriend wants me to, like the slut he wants me to be.
I get through the week without telling her, despite feeling like I’m keeping a deep-rooted secret she deserves to know. I speed up to Ant’s on Friday night after work, knowing he’s going to be joining me in just a few hours, and desperate to make myself ready for him.
I’m wearing one of my favourite black dresses and teetering on stupidly high diamante heels, busy making casserole when I hear his car pull up on the driveway. I’ve been feeling slightly ridiculous for choosing this attire for a Friday evening in the kitchen, but that dies in a flash the moment I hear his voice.
“Cass?” he calls, and he’s straight on through, barely even dropping his suitcase. “Hey, baby! I’m home!”
He wraps me up in his arms and it feels like we’ve been apart for months, even though it’s only been a few days.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispers, and it’s a beautiful thing to hear.
He pushes me away from him enough that he can look me up and down, and his smile is divine.
“You look absolutely gorgeous. I’m the luckiest man alive.”
I don’t get the chance to return the compliment before he takes a look at the casserole in the pan. His grin is magnificent.
“You’re treating me like a king. I didn’t expect my dinner being prepared the minute I stepped in through the door. I was going to take you out somewhere fancy, but I’ll be enjoying this more than any fancy restaurant.”
Another compliment. Another smile. He opens a bottle of De Chante for me, despite me protesting that I don’t need expensive champagne every time I see him.
All he does is laugh in return. “You deserve it, sweetheart. It’s a reward on a Friday night after a long week planning people’s big days.”
It already feels so easy between us after a few short minutes together. We sit at the dinner table to eat, and he holds up his glass of mineral water, toasting my champagne.
“To us,” he says. “And your glorious dinner. Your casserole is already better than mine.”
I grin like I’ve just been awarded a gold cooking star from school.
“Good job you’re a good teacher, isn’t it?”
“That can be your mantra for everything I show you,” he tells me. “If I believe you can do it, you can do it. Just trust me to teach you, and I won’t ever let you down.”
I can see right then how he’s done so well in his career as well as his life. There’s an air of absolute faith around him that would inspire anyone to do their very best. He’s a born leader.
My next question comes out of the blue.
“How many people are in your Berlin team?”
He takes a sip of his mineral water before he answers.
“A lot. I have sub divisions, and groups within groups. My main core team is ten vice-presidents, though. They are the people I closely manage. Gerwyn is my direct assistant, and he’s a good one. Melvin handles my case team. Stu and Evan handle client reporting. Then there are Gareth, Victoria, Brian, Finn, Jonas and Georgina.” He takes a mouthful of casserole. “Why? Do you want to meet them?”
I laugh. “I wasn’t angling for a trip to Berlin, don’t worry. I was just thinking how good you must be as a mentor.”
He tips his head. “Why would I be worried about you angling for a trip to Berlin? Just say the word and I’ll get you booked on a flight. I’d love to introduce you to my team.”
I brush it off, even though the thought has my heart glowing.
“Maybe someday, hey? I think Fiona is due a trip to the Malvern office. I could book some vacation time when she’s around.”
“When is she due?”
His eyes are fixed on me, solid and determined. I know then that I’ve stoked a fire.
“I don’t know… I could ask her…”
“Can you ask her now?”
“Now?” I ask, trying to read him. “Did you have something in mind?”
“We have a team celebration the weekend after next. Finn just smashed his quarter’s targets at twenty percent higher than expected. All ten of us are meant to be going out to celebrate, but I’ve said I’ll likely be back in the UK.”