She’s thinking deep. I can see the compassion still blooming in her, even though he’s treated her like a piece of shit.
Now is the time for total honesty. I pull into the community centre car park in Much Arlock and park up, turning in my seat to face her.
“There’s a reason G.A.T.A. in particular means so much to me. I’m an advocate for plenty of charities and fundraising efforts, but anti-trafficking is where I put most of my efforts, and that’s not just an off the cuff choice.”
Her tears are still running down her cheeks as I speak.
“There’s a reason I ended up in Germany in a prince outfit, walking out on my life in the UK without a backwards glance. It was because my own childhood wasn’t exactly a good one. I had some experiences that will hurt me until the day I die, and my own parents didn’t believe me when I broke down and asked for their help. They called me a liar.”
“Some experiences?”
Cass’s mind must be spinning so fast she can hardly see straight.
“I was abused. I was coerced into doing things for money. I was groomed over time by someone who claimed they loved me, and when I truly realised what was happening to me, I reached out to the people who I thought loved me the most, but I was made out to be a liar. I ran away, and on some levels I’m still running, but I’m working through it, and I give everything I can to help other people do the same. Luckily, I’m a lot further along the road than most of the poor people we help at G.A.T.A., as my journey away from my past has been going on for over a decade.”
She cries harder and reaches for my hand. I take hers, but this isn’t the time for it.
“I’m not telling you for sympathy, Cass, and there will be plenty of time to talk about it. I’m telling you because people make choices, and Ant’s been making his. He chose to coerce and abuse you, making you believe it’s your own fault. He uses control, money and power to grant him whatever he wants from people, hiding behind a veil so thick it’s hard to see. I didn’t see it. Neither did you. But Ant does. He looks at himself in the mirror and knows exactly who he is, every single day of his life. ”
I squeeze her hand.
“We need to get you out of here,” I repeat. “Because he’ll play whatever cards he has in his hands to keep on playing his games, and he’ll be coming after you.”
She responds in shock to that. “I won’t be playing them along with him.”
“No, I’m sure you won’t, but he’ll play the sympathy card and the long game, and he’s really fucking good at getting what he wants.”
She looks sick. “He charged people to have sex with me, Gerwyn. He used me as a slut for real and I didn’t have a clue.”
“Exactly. So we need to get you out of here. Where do you want to go?”
That’s when the Cass I love snaps back to herself in front of me. Her tears are still streaking her face, and her bottom lip is still wobbling, but I see a flash of resolve in her eyes.
“The local clinic,” she says. “Because you think these people are responsible adults out for a good time? Queuing up to fuck a whore on a rubber mattress? I very much doubt that, somehow.”
I don’t want to ask how many people she’s fucked in that room, but I imagine it’s a lot of them. The bout of rage in my guts makes me want to tear Ant apart right now.
“You want to go to a clinic?” I repeat, and she nods at me.
“Yeah, because I doubt he’s been quite so thorough on the medical responsibility front as far as whoring me out is concerned. I want to get that checked out as soon as I can. I feel absolutely fucking sick at the thought.”
She pulls a face of fear and disgust, blurred into one, and I hate him. Honest to God, I hate that sack of shit with every part of my soul.
“Let’s go,” I tell her. “I’m pretty sure we can find you a walk in and wait appointment in Hereford.”
Cass
I can’t think straight. Everything hurts and I feel utterly battered inside. I lean back in the seat as Gerwyn drives, eyes closed as I try to stop myself from retching. I’ve been sick enough for two lifetimes already.
We reach Tarrington before I have the strength in my hands to function properly. I ask Gerwyn If I can borrow his phone and he gestures to the cup holder between us. My eyes are on autopilot as I check out what I need to online. The clinic in Gaol Road is drop-in, and opens soon. Some of the tests will give their results on the same day, some will take up to two weeks, but I don’t care. I want to get them done as soon as I can, because I feel filthy. Riddled.