I cry out and whimper as he slams me.
He’s rough, but I don’t care. My tears keep streaming in hurt, and guilt, and gratitude.
Ant is grunting deep after a few sharp thrusts, and I’m coaxing him on, working my hips back at him.
“Keep fucking still,” he barks, gripping my hips tight, “You belong to me,” he hisses. “You’re my fiancée, and you’ll give me whatever the fuck I need if you want to keep my ring on your finger. I’m done with people I love putting other people first. My mother and all her shitty boyfriends, you and Gerwyn, puppy dog eyes full of each other. I give you all everything, but you shit on me like I’m nothing. Fuck you all. From now on, it’s all about me. You’d better give me whatever the fuck I want, whenever I fucking want it.”
His fingers twist in my hair, pulling hard as he slams me deep, making me cry out some more.
“Your cunt is mine, your ass is mine, your filthy fucking mouth is mine. I decide who gets to use them and what the fuck goes in there. Do you fucking understand?”
“Yes,” I say with a whimper. “I understand.”
I wish I was feeling better about the way he’s fucking me, but he doesn’t want me to. It’s punishment – positioning himself so I get pain without him hitting the spot, angling his cock so it hurts. I’m only just getting accustomed to it when he shoves three fingers straight in my ass. He ploughs them straight in and it hurts so bad. He doesn’t stop, just pounds me with enough force that I’m a whimpering mess, but there’s no way I’ll ever tell him to stop, not even when he asks me if I want time out over and over again.
“Want time out, baby? Do you? DO YOU? Your fucking choice, princess.”
He thrusts so hard it makes me scream the pain out.
“Take it, slut. Fucking take it!”
I don’t want time out. I want to please him. I want him to know I love him.
I don’t care how much I have to hurt.
He stretches my ass with his fingers as he’s still fucking my pussy, and I take it. I take it all.
“You really think Gerwyn would have given this to you, like the slut you are?” Ant sneers, and I shake my head.
No. He wouldn’t have.
“I’m the one who’s gonna come in your cunt tonight. ME!”
It’s rough and it hurts with every slam of flesh against flesh. I close my eyes and take it all, too fucked up to care.
I even moan for him and it must work, because he’s grunting all over again, grunting and cursing with every hard slam as he comes inside me.
And suddenly it’s over. Ant’s Hyde side turns to a weird form of his Jekyll side when he’s finished unloading, rolling off onto the bed and pulling me close.
I don’t understand him, I really don’t. But I’m going to have to learn to.
“That’s a good first sign, baby,” he says. “Good girl. Nice to prove you can still enjoy being a slut for me after that pathetic attempt at romance with the jackass.”
I only wished I felt good about any of it.
But I am happy to see a smirk on Ant’s face as he snuggles up closer to me, until I realise just what he’s smirking about.
“Every shitty cloud does have a little silver lining at least. It’s proved to me you really do want other guys’ cocks. You were telling me the truth on that front. So long as you’re being honest about not being in love with Gerwyn, that is. Maybe I’ll get some other dick inside you nice and quickly to help erase tonight from our memories. I’m sure you’d be grateful for it.”
I don’t want that, even though I keep telling myself I do. But how can I say it? How can I tell Ant I don’t want anyone else’s dick when I’ve just been desperate for Gerwyn’s in front of him?
I feel like death as Ant turns out the bedside light to go to sleep beside me. I don’t want to go back in that mattress room, and I feel it for sure now, right down in my gut. But Ant is my fiancé, and I need his trust, so there’s no doubt about it.
I’ll have to do my best to get it back, whatever it takes.
Gerwyn
I’m due in Birmingham on Monday morning, still feeling hollow and lost. Ant’s got a day of meetings lined up, and I’m an integral part of them. The thought of being alongside is enough to turn my stomach, but it’s a chance, at least. Hopefully, by now, he’ll at least hear me out in the effort to build bridges. Even if it’s only the beginning of a long process.