I don’t know how many times he’ll make her apologise before he begins to accept it, but it’s going to be quite a fucking journey. I get a shiver as I realise it’s a journey I might not ever come to the end of. There may be no acceptance of apologies when it comes to me.
I run my fingers through my hair in a haze, then get focused on what I need to be doing. I pull out an overnight case from under my bed and toss in some essentials before heading downstairs. I leave the case standing by the stairs, take a breath, and join them in the kitchen.
Ant jabs a finger at me the very second I come into view, his glare wild with rage. To see him so fucked off twists my guts hard.
His voice is loud and harsh when he barks at Cass.
“Why the fuck would you want to choose him over me, with my engagement ring on your fucking finger?”
She looks so horrified it gives me a thump in the ribs.
“It wasn’t cheating! I wasn’t choosing him over you! You’re the one I’m engaged to!”
Her words tear me open, even though they shouldn’t. There was no way she would have chosen me over Ant. He’s the man she’s pledged her future to, with a wedding dress, and a family and a happily ever after fit for a princess. And what am I?
Nothing compared to a man like him.
I hold my hands up.
“Ant, please. Listen to me. Please, give me a chance and let’s talk about it. I’m sorry.”
He doesn’t give me the chance to apologise. He doesn’t want to talk. His voice is seething when he turns to face me, his intentions loud and clear.
“Get the fuck out of my face, Ger. I want you fucking gone.”
I look at Cass, and her tears are coming now as she looks at him.
“Please, Ant, can we just talk about this? The three of us? Me and Gerwyn didn’t think we were doing anything wrong. I promise.”
She steps forward to put her hand on Ant’s arm, but he shrugs her off.
“No. But you should have done. Are you really that fucking hung up on each other that you’d think having sex like you’re in a fucking romance movie would be fucking ok? That I’d just cheer you on from the fucking sidelines? If it wasn’t now, it would’ve been soon enough. I’d have been at work, trying to bring in an income for our future, and you two would’ve been holed up here like a couple of lovesick fucking teenagers. It was only a matter of time before one of you crossed the fucking line.”
“It wouldn’t have been like that!” I protest. “We’d never have cheated on you. Neither of us. It wouldn’t ever have been like that.”
I know what’s coming when I see the sneer on his face.
“Sticking your cock in someone is just the icing on the cake, Ger. Cheating happens much fucking sooner than that. You’ve been cheating for weeks. Both of you, pair of cunts.”
I want to say he’s talking bullshit, but I’ll never convince him. He’s done this on purpose, pushing and testing. And yeah, I guess we failed.
Fuck it.
I put my hands in my hair.
“It wasn’t like that,” I argue, but my voice sounds weaker than I mean it to. “Please, Ant. That isn’t what’s been happening here.”
“Really? So that wasn’t you wanting to make love to my fiancée upstairs? Just friends, are you?”
Cass interjects. “You sent us up there! You told us it would be ok. That’s why we did it, I swear!”
His eyes are full of hurt and hate, and it churns me up inside.
“I gave you both the chance to fuck me over, and you both took hold of it.” He sighs and waves a hand at me. “Get the fuck out, Ger. Fuck off and leave us the fuck alone.”
There’s no point in me staying when he’s caught up in a rage like this.
I can see how broken Cass is as she stares up at him, and of course she is. She’s in love with him. I just hope I haven’t screwed up so bad she’ll lose him.
I can barely speak as I pat my jacket pocket to make sure I have my phone and wallet. I’m dithering as I back away.
“I’m sorry,” I tell Ant, one last time. “I swear, we wouldn’t have cheated on you.”
“You did fucking cheat,” he barks. “After everything I picked you up from. All those fucking nights you spent sobbing over Jo when someone else took her away. All those nights we spent together when I helped you back to your miserable fucking life again. All the years you’ve spent by my side, living under my fucking roof. And still, you’d want to fuck my fucking fiancée. You’d want to fuck the woman I love.” His eyes are savage. “You’re a cunt, Gerwyn. Fuck off.”