I’m determined. Resolute. Immovable.
But, so it seems, is Ant.
“If you’re not gonna scream for cock, how about you scream for fist?” Ant asks me, and I have to stare right up at him. Because no.
NO.
I can’t take it. Not a fist. And definitely not from someone who isn’t Ant.
Instinct finally kicks in and I push the guys off me, gasping for breath as I scurry up the bed, because I can’t.
“Get back down,” Ant says, but his voice is calm this time. “Have some faith in yourself, princess. Just give in and enjoy it.”
I don’t want faith in myself. I want a piece of cake downstairs, surrounded by balloons and celebrations and Gerwyn’s laughter, not a guy’s fist in my pussy.
Ant smiles. “Trust me, baby, you’re going to take everything on offer and you’re going to love it. I believe in you. You know that, right?”
No. I don’t.
“You can cry out, don’t worry,” Ant whispers, with his same seedy mantra on loop. “Just make sure you let everyone know you’re enjoying it… wouldn’t want the crusader storming in, would we? He needs to know you’re a slut, like everyone else in here. Really, baby,” Ant laughs. “You’d better be convincing, or the crusader really will be crusading, and that would be a right pain in my ass. Don’t let me down.”
My stomach churns and lurches – a part of me rising up with a different kind of passion, because I would want the crusader storming in. Part of me wishes he would storm in right now and tell them to fuck off out of here.
Ant must read my expression, since he’s a master at it.
“You’re not gonna disappoint me, are you?” he whispers. “Are you gonna call time out? Because remember, you’re the one in charge here. This is all your choice… I just hope your choices match up to mine…”
Those are the evil magic words that snare my soul. Yes. I want my choices to match up to his.
He’s the man I love. The man I’m going to walk down the aisle to.
But my choices don’t match up to his. Not tonight.
I’m reeling. Spinning. Torn by the seesaw of yes and no.
And right here. Right now. No wins.
The guys aren’t expecting it when I twist and scurry away up the mattress, holding a hand up to stop them pursuing me.
“I need a break,” I say. “I need a few minutes.”
“Come on, you can do it,” Ant tells me, with a hint of a laugh. “. Get back down and relax. Don’t be silly.”
I shake my head, and I’m up on my feet in a stumble, even though it hurts.
“I need a break,” I say again, but I don’t look at any of them. “I need some air.”
“Cass!” Ant calls as I reach the door, but I don’t listen, hating how my name sounds in that room.
I dash down to the bathroom and grab Ant’s robe from the back of the door. I wrap myself up and hold my breath as I scurry past Gerwyn’s bedroom, praying, PRAYING, he hasn’t heard me on that mattress.
I manage to reach the stairs without him stirring, and I really am desperate for fresh air now. My head is pumping with nerves and champagne, and I feel so quaky on my legs that I need to sober up. I hurry down the stairs, stumble across the kitchen, dash through the living room, then throw open the patio doors. I step out onto the terrace, and I breathe, breathe, breathe, trying to calm myself down.
But I’m not alone.
“Cass?”
I jump in shock as I see Gerwyn. I press my hand to my chest in relief as I truly register it’s him at my side.
“Cass?” he asks again. “Are you alright?”
The night air grabs me enough that I muster some form of my senses. I take slower breaths, calming down as I get a sliver of a grip on myself. He’s smoking. I catch a whiff of the tobacco smoke.
He steps even closer, his brows heavy with concern, and it’s such a contrast with the casual jackasses upstairs that it makes my stomach do a flip.
“What the hell’s been happening up there?” he asks me. “Are you ok?”
No. I want to say. No, I’m not ok. I’m being used like a cheap piece of meat and it hurts, and I don’t want it.
I can’t say that, though. Not with Ant up there. I don’t want to say that with Ant up there.
“Cass, please…” Gerwyn says. “All you have to do is give me one little nod and I swear to God none of those guys will come anywhere near you again.”
I almost do it. Almost nod.
I can’t do that, though. I can’t.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
“I’m ok,” I lie with a stupid smile. “Just needed a bit of a time out. No big deal.”