I’m not scared about the needles, though. I’m scared of saying goodbye to a part of myself.
“I’m so excited to see it,” Ant says, and the smile on his face is too much to argue with.
I remove my bracelet and offer my wrist to the artist and she rests it in position, putting the template in place to begin her work. I take a breath before she begins, because this is it.
I remember sitting in place for the original tattoo, with Jack and Michelle along with me. I remember how excited I was when they began the design – grinning brightly in testament to the guy I thought would be my forever. It gives me a pang, wanting to cry, but I don’t, just breathe and force a smile up at Ant.
His smile back gives me enough strength to relax, because I guess I owe him this. If he doesn’t want a tattoo of my ex on my arm when he declares his vows to me, that’s got to be understandable, and all memories come to pass.
I don’t watch the artist at work, just stare at the street outside, watching the people passing. How many of them would ever come close to the kind of dreams I’m being given? How many of them could even imagine being with a partner as gorgeous and generous and committed as Ant is?
Almost certainly none of them.
“It’s going great,” Ant tells me, clearly aware I’m not watching the memories being erased from my skin. I don’t reply, just tell myself that the infinity loop will always still be there, underneath the symbol of my new love.
I don’t know how long it takes, but the artist announces it with a here you go, and a final wipe before she wraps it.
Yes, it’s stunning. Beautiful and bold and bigger than the infinity loop. There’s not even a trace of the pink left behind.
“Thank you,” I tell her. “You’re really talented.”
“You’re welcome,” she replies, then smiles at Ant. “Maybe book next time you want another, though. Would save you a fortune.”
His smirk is so aloof. “Don’t worry about that. There won’t be a next time.”
I follow him out, pulling my sleeve down on instinct so I don’t have to look at it. I get back in the car, careful not to knock my wrist as I put the seat belt on, making sure I keep the smile on my face.
“Baby, you were so brave,” Ant tells me. “I’m so glad you accepted my gift.”
I give him the generic thank you, but I don’t mean it. Not this time. It hardly feels like I had a choice.
I focus on the road through the window as we cross country, engaging in small talk about my family and the day we had with them, being sure to avoid the subject of Jack at any cost. I figure we’re done with the crap parts of the day, looking forward to snuggling up with my fiancé for a night on the sofa, but we aren’t. Ant has one of his mega smirks on his face with a dirty glint in his eyes as we pull into Malvern.
“It’s going to be quite a night for you. I hope you’re ready for it.”
I’m sure my heart stops in an instant.
My stomach feels like it’s dropping from a mountain, eyes widening as I look over at him.
“You mean we’re having visitors?”
“Oh yes,” he laughs. “Lots of visitors. You’ll be having loads of cock and fun by the time we’re ready for bed.”
I don’t want cock and fun tonight, especially not with a fresh tattoo on my wrist. I’m trying to find words to convey that to him without sounding like I’m calling time out or disrespecting his excitement, so my heart does an utter leap of joy when we pull up to the driveway and see Gerwyn’s car parked up outside the house.
Thank fuck for that.
It’s not just relief my heart is jumping with though, it’s the thought of seeing him. His lovely kind smile with his chuckle of a laugh, and his cute, chequered shirt with the sleeves rolled up. So quickly, he’s become an amazing friend to me.
“Fucking hell,” Ant snaps. “He’s not supposed to be back before the fucking morning.”
“That’s no problem though, right?” I ask him. “I’m sure you can rearrange the visitors for another day..”
He scoffs at me like I’m talking crap.
“Why the hell would I do that?”
I feel like an idiot.
“Because Gerwyn’s home.”
“And?”
“And he probably wants to see us.” I try to laugh. “He probably won’t want to see a queue of men across the landing when he’s trying to get to bed.”
“Why wouldn’t he?” Ant’s eyes are so cutting. So accusing. “Are you ashamed of what we do in the mattress room, Cass? Do you think Gerwyn is going to give a shit about that?”