“Ant, I’m just shocked. My brain is spinning, and I don’t know what the fuck I should be thinking right now.”
“You aren’t thinking that, though? You don’t think I told Claire?”
“No!”
He looks so frustrated, shaking his head with sadness in his eyes.
“Well, fuck. That’s put a bit of a fucking dampener on what’s happening here, and that’s shit, Cass. It’s so shit. I’ve been so looking forward to tonight. It’s supposed to be a dream, not a fucking nightmare.”
I don’t know what he’s talking about. I’m still trying to focus on him through tears as he keeps on talking.
“I wish you’d have told her yourself,” he says. “I’m sorry, baby, but if you’d have told her yourself, it wouldn’t have panned out like this.”
Fuck. That hurts. It really hurts.
I want to argue with him, to justify why I didn’t. Why I was scared and trying to cling on to my reputation and my career, but how can I?
Ant was right. It was Lee who was the prick for cheating on his fiancée, regardless of whether Ant invited him here or not. And if I’d have listened and told Claire myself… if I’d have put her before me and had the backbone to let her know what a cheating asshole her partner was, then maybe she wouldn’t have been screaming at me in my office. Maybe she wouldn’t be determined to give it another go with the guy who betrayed her.
My mind is racing, but there is no denying it. Not to myself.
I should have told her.
I shouldn’t have been a stupid bitch and figured I’d get away with it. I shouldn’t have put off the inevitable and held the truth back, because the truth always comes out – that’s what my mum always said when I was young.
Tell the truth, Cass, because the truth will always show its face. Even when you don’t want it to.
“Look at me, princess,” Ant says, jolting me back to the room. “You need to tell me what happened. Did she kick off in front of Janie or did she do it in private? Is your reputation still intact, or is she going to tell the whole town?”
I take a breath. “She said she’s trying again with Lee, so as long as I quit work and stay away from people’s fiancés, she’d keep it quiet.”
He sighs. “I feel sorry for her, really. He’s a jackass who doesn’t deserve a second chance.”
Feel sorry for ME, that’s what I want to say, but he’s running a thumb across my cheek, trying to brush my tears away.
“So, did you do it?” he asks me. “Did you do what she wanted?”
I let out another sob before I answer. “Yes. I did what she wanted. I sent off my resignation letter.”
“That’s good then, Cass. You gave her the respect you could, and she’s going to thank you for that on some level, even if she doesn’t see it now.” He pauses while I cry some more, still stroking my cheek and trying to soothe me. “Sweetheart, you were going to hand in your resignation anyway. This is a horrible, horrible way to have to do it, but it’ll be ok. If anything, it gave you the motivation you needed. You know what I said about fate, right? Maybe this is another example of it working for us. They say the universe works in mysterious ways.”
His smile is trying to make me feel better, but it makes me feel worse, because this feels nothing like fate. It feels like shit. Absolute, pure fucking shit.
This time I let him pull me into his arms, because I need it. I need to be held tight as I cry.
Shh, he says, and rocks me like a baby.
I’m crying so much lately that it’s becoming as natural as smiling in his arms.
“It’ll be ok,” Ant tells me. “It doesn’t feel like it now, I know. But it’ll be ok. Claire won’t have to work with you at the office again, and she now knows what a cheating dickhead her fiancé is, and Janie will get a promotion, and we’ll have the life together we’ve been planning.”
I can’t argue with that. There is no argument to make. Still, it hurts. It really fucking hurts.
Ant presses his forehead to mine, and I’m so glad I’ve got him here. What if I hadn’t? What if I had to run away somewhere else with my tail between my legs and nobody to love me there?
His smile is so sad but so beautiful both at once.
“Wow, baby. Like I said, this isn’t quite the way I had tonight planned. So, please, PLEASE, try to push this horrible bullshit with Claire away as best you can. Please, baby. Please.”
“I can’t!” I say.
“Baby, please. Just listen to me. I need you to push that away now. Like I said, I have a surprise for you.”