He holds me as I tell him I love him over and over, until he relaxes enough to rock along with me, his breaths deepening as his coldness eases away.
“Thank you,” he whispers. “Honestly, baby, the only person I thought would ever know about this is Gerwyn. He was the only person I ever felt comfortable opening up to, until you came along. And it’s taking me time to get there with you. I know that, and I’m sorry, but I’m trying. I just hope you’ll love the little weak boy inside me as much as you love the rest of me.”
Right now, I love the little boy inside him even more than the rest of him. I’d never hurt him for anything in the world.
“I’ll love all of you, always,” I tell him. “You’ll always be Mr Perfect to me, Ant. You’ve been my Mr Perfect since the moment I saw you at Hanley Hall.”
“I’m not perfect, princess. I’m far from perfect. Today just showed that up even more. Fuck, I wish she’d never called, because now you have to see this. Now you have to know what a scared, sad little boy I was with a piece of shit mother who didn’t give a fuck about me.”
I look up at him through teary eyes.
“I’m glad she did call. I want to know all of you, not just the side you want people to see. I love you for every part of you, everything you are and everything you’ve been, because you’re you.”
He kisses my head. “You know, this is what I always dreamt of and told myself I was crazy for it. I always dreamt that I’d meet someone who understood me and loved me like you do, who I loved as much as I love you. I dreamt that I’d get married to a woman who’d want to have children, so I’d get a chance to be the father I never had, with a wife who’d be the mother I wish mine could’ve been.”
“You’ll get the dream,” I say. “We both will.”
I feel him shiver, even through his suit.
“For so long I’ve believed that we all control our own destiny. We all work for our own value and we all govern how the world works on our road ahead. That’s all I believed in. Only now, I’m not so sure. Seeing you at that wedding did something to me, and I can’t help but think… there’s just a tiny part of me that dares to believe that some things are fated. That some things are meant to be. That maybe something as amazing as we are together can truly be real.”
“It’s real,” I assure him. “Sometimes I struggle to believe it myself, because it’s so close to what I always dreamt of, but it’s real.”
“Show me, then,” he whispers. “I need to feel it. I need to know it’s still there now that you know what I was when I was young.”
I don’t know quite what he’s talking about until he moves against me… and then I feel him…
“Let’s go upstairs, because I need to know you’re here and you’re mine and you still want me. I need you to show me that you still see me as the man you did before… before that bitch called up.”
His words sound both cold and warm at the same time, and it’s a strange combination that gives me a fresh round of prickles, but I’ll show him. Of course I will. I’ll show him how much I love him, however he needs me to show it.
I take hold of his hand gladly as he leads the way upstairs. He shuts the bedroom door behind us, pulls me close and whispers I love you before he kisses me.
His mouth is as hot and as heavy as I’ve known it. The ferocity in his kiss is like fire.
He shoves me back onto the bed and climbs straight on top. My legs spread for him as he pins my wrists up high and grinds against me.
“You see, princess, this is what I’ve always known as showing love. It’s driving your cock deep into sweet cunt and making someone moan like a slut. That’s what my mother’s boyfriends always gave her. That’s what she chose over me. It’s what I’ve come to crave, and need, and dream of. Fantasies of someone loving you so much that they want to give you everything they’ve got. They want to open their legs wide and offer themselves up to show you they love you, no matter what you ask them to do. And you do that for me, sweetheart. You show me that, but it’s not all you show me, because we’re more than that. More than I ever saw in anyone.”
I wrap my legs around him, because I can’t stop moving to his rhythm.