“Can I take your number?”
I take her number. My handwriting is barely legible since my hands are shaking, so I check them over again.
“Are you his girlfriend?” she asks me.
“Yes. I’m his girlfriend. Cass.”
“Cass,” she repeats. “And are you his girlfriend girlfriend, or just one of his girlfriends?”
I lean back against the wall. “I’m his girlfriend girlfriend, if you mean serious girlfriend. I live with him.”
“In Malvern?”
My flash of panic rises, the prickles hitting the back of my neck, because I don’t understand how she can be his mum, and I don’t understand how she doesn’t know where he lives when she has his number, but I don’t want to ask her. I want to ask him.
“Yes, in Malvern,” I say, but then back out of her questioning as quickly as I can. “I’m really sorry, but I have to go. I have work.”
“Work?” she asks, but I can’t say any more.
“I’ll tell him you called,” I assure her. “Bye.”
I hang up like an idiot, propped against the wall with the phone handset hanging in my limp hand.
Ant’s mum is dead. There’s no way she can be Ant’s mum. But I know she is.
I try his number, but there is no answer. I send him a message asking him to call me, please, quickly, but it doesn’t show as delivered. So who can I call? Who can I get hold of? What do I do?
There’s only one person I can reach out to, so I do it. I scroll through my contacts until I get to Gerwyn’s number and then I press to call.
Please pick up. Please.
But no. It rings through to voicemail.
I’m about to try Ant again when I get a ping of a message. It’s from Gerwyn, not Ant.
Are you ok? Sorry, I’m in a meeting.
I can’t lie.
No, I’m not. Can you call when you’re finished please? I need to talk because I can’t get hold of Ant.
I’m still holding my phone, fresh from pressing send when Gerwyn’s number flashes up, incoming.
“Cass, what’s happening? Are you alright?”
I’m shaking my head, even though he can’t see me. My voice is shaky when I answer him.
“I just… I just got a call… from Ant’s mum.”
“Shit,” he says with a sigh. “Don’t worry, Cass. It’s taken her at least six months this time. Ant will change his number again as soon as he finds out, you don’t have to worry.” He pauses. “You didn’t give her your address, did you?”
The prickles on my neck are so sharp they are stabbing like pins, but I compose myself. It’s the way he’s speaking, like it’s normal.
“No, I didn’t.”
“Good. Great. That’s fine, then. No need to worry.”
I want to ask him so bad what the hell’s going on since she’s supposed to be dead. I could break down in a heartbeat and ask him why the fuck Ant lied to me, and why on earth doesn’t she know where he lives when she’s so desperate to get hold of him, but I can’t. Because I just… I can’t. I can’t risk the vodka situation again, with me talking to Gerwyn about things I shouldn’t be talking to him about and then dropping him in the shit on the back of it.
“Cool, thanks,” I say. “I’ll let Ant know when he gets back home, then.”
“It’ll be alright, honestly,” Gerwyn replies. “Believe me, it’s happened plenty of times before. He’ll handle it and stop it from happening again.”
“Brill, thanks,” I say, hoping my voice doesn’t sound as anxious as it feels. “I’ll catch you later.”
“No worries, Cass. See you soon.”
I hang up, with a throb of desperation, wishing more than anything that see you soon was a see you right now.
I can’t go to the office like this, in such a dither that I can barely get my words straight. With trembling fingers, I send a message to Janie… sorry, really ill, will get there when I can, and sit down on one of the kitchen stools, staring at my phone.
It’s another few minutes before a message from Ant comes through.
I’m with the Paris team, baby. Are you ok?
I’m halfway through typing out a message saying no, your mum just called the house phone, but I change my mind. It’s the prickles again. I don’t want to hear his voice on the phone without seeing his face in person, so I play it down.
Yeah, I’m just not feeling very well. Bad stomach. I’ll rest up on the sofa and see you later.
His reply comes through a few seconds later.
Ok, princess. If you’re sure. I’ll be home as soon as I can.
It’s so tempting to ask him to leave now, but he’d call as soon as he walked out of there, and I’d have to tell him on the phone, so no. I want to see his face when I tell him. I want to read his reaction right in front of me.