“Sofa?” I ask and she nods in approval.
I flop down on the sofa with my pizza box open ready to go and she does the same next to me, both of us tucking into our first slice with groans of approval. She leans over to grab some of my fries and it’s so much fun to see her like that, infinitely more relaxed than I found her yesterday, curled up and hugging a cushion. Part of that could be down to swimming endorphins, sure, but not all of it. A large part of it is definitely down to pizza eating and being at ease.
And not in constant silent judgement.
I push that voice away, giving Ant the benefit of the doubt. Like Cass said, she likes mineral water. No big deal. She probably likes Ant’s selection of salads and casseroles too.
One thing is for sure though. She loves the pizza from Pizza Delight, and so do I. We barely talk as we munch through our first few slices.
Her sleeve pulls back as she reaches for her wine glass from the coffee table, and I see her tattoo again. I wonder who the guy was who warranted the permanent memento on her arm, and she must see me looking at it. She looks guilty, and I have no idea why.
“Shit. I’ve usually got my bracelet on.”
I pull a confused face with a chuckle. “After swimming? Wow, ok. I should take a set of cufflinks along with me as well then, I guess. I didn’t realise there was post swim etiquette.”
She laughs then takes another sip of wine. “Ant’s got me such beautiful jewellery. It deserves to be worn as much as possible.”
I have to bite my tongue.
I can imagine Ant’s face as he says it to her. I can imagine the way he scopes her out to make sure she’s sparkling in the jewels he’s bought her, like some kind of ownership symbol, despite the loving veneer he wants to put on it. He does it with everything he touches, including his girlfriend, it seems.
The question that comes from me is out of the blue.
“When did you realise you were in love with Ant?”
She tips her head to the side as she finishes her mouthful of pizza.
“Pretty early on. There was something about him that drove me wild, right from the moment he sat down next to me at the bar.”
“Yeah, I can imagine. He’s quite a character.”
A smile lights up her face at the memory, and it’s beautiful to see. There’s no doubt about it – Cass is totally in love with Ant, just like he’s totally in love with her. I’m so happy for them both, genuinely, but there is a horrible tickle of something down deep. Something that reinforces my own loneliness. I remember looking at Jo that way. I remember how I felt every time she looked at me that way in return.
I’m taking a fresh slice of pizza when Cass speaks next.
“When did you realise you were in love with Jo? Ant says you met her at an amusement park?”
I smile at the memory. “Yeah, I met her at the park where I worked. There was a boy running across the square I used to stand in dressed up in my prince outfit. The boy was so excited he was doing a spinning dance as he went, and his laugh was addictive. And so was his Auntie Jo’s. Her laugh was as addictive as his when she ran along to join him, doing a spinning dance along with him until they were both laughing so hard she couldn’t get her breath.”
The thought makes me feel emotional, even now, all these years later.
“And that’s when you knew?” Cass asks. “Did you know in that one single moment?”
I shake my head. “No, but it gave me a lurch in my stomach. One of those ones right here.”
I place my hand just below my ribcage, and she nods.
“Yeah, I know that sensation.”
I eat another mouthful of pizza before I carry on talking. “We started having a conversation when Danny said he wanted his picture taken next to me. Her sister took the photo and Jo was in it too. She pressed up against me and did that laugh again, and there was something so natural about her.” I pause. “I dunno. When conversation flows, it flows, doesn’t it? I knew right then that we were going to get on well. I had no idea we’d get on so well that I’d be packing up my prince outfit and flying back to join her a few weeks later, but by then she was already my best friend. By then I already knew she was the one I loved.”
Cass looks wistful, both happy and sad for me at once.
“What was she like?”
I must look both happy and sad along with her.