I try to play it down. “Yeah. Getting better though, thanks.”
“Yeah?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
He knows I’m a slut. He knows I’m a slut. He knows I’m a slut in the mattress room.
Hopefully he doesn’t know I took my client’s fiancé in there too…
If Gerwyn does know that, he seems quite comfortable. His smile is as warm and genuine as ever as he reaches into the bag at his feet and pulls out a jar.
“I got you some extra special coffee to try out. I thought the caffeine might do you some good.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, since Ant’s been saying the exact opposite, trying to keep me on litres and litres of mineral water. A massive hit of a decent coffee will be a winner.
I’m genuinely touched, but that’s not all Gerwyn’s got in the bag. He digs out a box to follow.
“I thought you might enjoy these,” he says.
He hands the box over and it looks like it came from a bakery. I flip open the lid and the four cupcakes inside look fit for a cupcake eating queen. They are huge and chocolate, with buttercream and sprinkles on top, and wow, how my stomach rumbles at the sight of them. I feel like a kid who’s been given a bag of candies from a sweet shop.
“Whoa, thank you. These look absolutely amazing.”
He laughs. “They live up to how they look, I promise. I couldn’t help but grab one for myself as a trial run on the way back. Got bloody crumbs all over me as I was driving, and dropped a big slather of cream, but it was worth it.”
He points out the smear on his shirt and it tickles me. I don’t know why I find it so funny, but I do – like some kind of release valve has been triggered in my head.
He looks fine with me, genuinely. Thank fuck for that. Even if he knows I’m a filthy slut on a filthy mattress who took a client’s fiancé in my pussy, he still looks like he likes me.
The relief is crazy, even though my heart is still thumping and my face is on fire.
“You going to help me with these?” I ask, gripping the box tight, trying to hide the tremble in my hands.
“Great idea. But first, we need to get some of that special coffee to go with them. I’ll get the machine on.”
Fuck it. I decide to brave it, despite my burning shame. For the first time in hours I shift my butt off the sofa and go to join him. He’s gives me a sniff of the beans before he grinds them, and I love sitting there with my chin on an elbow, more relaxed than I’ve felt since Lee the prick stepped into the office.
“So, what was really up with you?” Gerwyn asks me. “Ant says it was a hangover, but that would be a pretty damn long hangover, even by De Chante’s standards.”
I shrug. “Dunno. Stomach bug, maybe.”
He laughs. “I think you’d know about it if you had a stomach bug. I’d have found you in the bathroom, I imagine, not on the sofa.”
I shrug again. “Headaches, slight temperature,” I touch my heated brow, “just generally feeling off.”
He doesn’t push it, just hands me my coffee. We silent toast cupcakes across the breakfast bar, both of us digging in with yums and nods of the head, and I love how natural it feels to be myself like this, even though the voice in my head is still singing its sad little mantra.
He knows I’m a slut. He knows I’m a slut. He knows I’m a slut in the mattress room.
Gerwyn doesn’t seem to have his head on anything like the mantra of mine, though. He closes his eyes as he savours the buttercream, and I grin with a mouthful of cupcake as I stare over at him. It tastes like a dream, and his willingness to back off and let me lead the conversation gives me the strength I need to find some words.
“Work has been intense,” I tell him.
“I can imagine. With summer approaching it must be weddings galore.”
“Yeah, it is. And Ant’s been busy as well, so it’s been a bit… heavy in the house.”
I don’t tell him that it’s because Ant’s been steering the conversations every chance he gets, both to assure me I’m not a criminal as well as assure me I need to do what’s right – very determined on what that right should be. Gerwyn doesn’t need telling about the context, though. He nods and takes a sip of coffee.
“Ant gets very focused on goals, and when he’s in that headspace it’s hard to get through to him.”
I know Gerwyn is talking about work, but there’s no doubt it applies to a wider playing field, and both of us know it.