“You need to go home,” she says. “I’ll go get your phone and we can call Ant. He’s working at the house today, right? I’m sure he’ll come get you.”
“NO!” I shout before she leaves the bathroom. “No, Janie, please don’t!”
She crouches back down. “I can manage the office, Cass. You need to take the day off, you look like you’re about to pass out.”
“I can drive,” I tell her, forcing myself to my feet.
“No–” she tries, but I can’t listen. My head is spinning and my ears are ringing and it feels like the ground is crumbling under my feet, but I carry on through it, picking up my clutch from my desk along with my car keys.
“Cass, please,” she says. “Can we just call Ant?”
I summon the strength enough to take a breath in front of her, trying my absolute best to paste on a smile.
“I had a mega hangover yesterday,” I tell her – giving the truth on that score, at least. “I thought I was over it, but clearly not.”
“Ah,” she laughs. “Too much De Chante for you.”
“Way too much De Chante for me. I’ll be ok to drive now, I promise.”
She buys into my confidence.
“Cool, if you’re sure. Message me when you get back though, please. I need to know you’re doing ok.”
Her words are a blur but I wave her off with a yeah, I will do.
My heels sound like an echo as I head for my car, the bleep of the alarm sounds a million miles away as I open the driver’s door and throw myself down into the seat.
No tears yet. Please. No tears.
I make sure my senses are steady enough to drive before I start the journey. I’m out of Malvern and on the drive up to the hills when I do a load more dry heaving over the steering wheel.
Thank fuck the gates swing open easily. Thank fuck my legs are steady enough to get me inside and through the door.
Ant must see the car pull up because he heads down the stairs to me, his mouth dropping open as he sees the tears flow free down my face.
“Baby, what the hell’s happened?” he asks me. “Cass, are you ok?”
“FUCK OFF, AM I FUCKING OK!” I scream, and it’s like the scene in the bathroom again, only this time I’m sober. “My client Claire just came into the office with her fiancé and he’s one of the guys who fucked me. He’s one of the guys who fucked me on the FUCKING MATTRESS!”
I’m expecting him to pale and quake along with me, but he doesn’t. He stays as calm as ever as my tears come flowing.
I don’t know what the hell he’s going to say to me, but I don’t expect the response he gives.
“What a fucking cunt,” he says. “Cheating bastard. I hope you told her so.”
I struggle to comprehend it through my guilty haze.
“Sorry, what?”
Ant shrugs. He fucking shrugs.
“The guy’s a cheating cunt, isn’t he? I hope you told her so.”
I try to focus on him through the tears.
“You hope I told her so? That her fiancé fucked me during a sex fest on a rubber mattress while I was spreading myself like a slut? What the hell?”
He shrugs again. “I wouldn’t quite frame it like that, but she deserves to know he’s a cheat.”
I must be in some surreal dimension. I feel like the whole world has gone insane around me.
“Wait a minute. You think I should tell my client that I fucked her fiancé?”
“I think you should tell your client that her fiancé fucked you. If he can’t show her the respect she deserves, then you should do her a favour and let her know.”
I dry retch again, and Ant steps closer.
“Let’s get you a glass of water. You need to sit down, baby.”
“FUCK OFF!” I screech at him. “A CLIENT’S FIANCÉ CAME AND FUCKED ME BEHIND HER BACK! Just what the FUCK?”
Even that doesn’t faze him. He takes hold of my arm and guides me through to the kitchen as another wave of tears hits me hard. He sits me on a stool and gets me a glass of water, and I put my face in my hands as I try to get my head into some kind of order.
“Cass, baby, this isn’t your fault,” he says, and I laugh a crazy laugh.
“No, it isn’t! It’s not me who invited him to fuck me!”
His eyes darken at that.
“Are you saying it’s my fault your client’s fiancé is a cheating cunt? Is that what you’re implying? I can’t be responsible for other men’s choices, Cass. If he wants to be a cheating piece of shit that’s his call, not mine. His consequences will be his to face.”
“No! But YOU brought him here! YOU told him he could fuck me!”