The first dance is always so magical to watch. Georgie’s arms are around Kieran’s neck, both of them swaying to the beat with eyes full of love. She looks glowing in her gorgeous white dress, rhinestones sparkling under the lights.
My eyes tear up as I watch them from the side of the dance floor, only this time it’s not with joy for the happy couple. I’m smiling as best as I can, but I can’t help the pain inside me tonight, wishing it was me up there sharing my first dance with the man I love. But no. The man I love left me for another woman just under a year ago. And he’s marrying her today.
I try not to think about the parallel of Jack and Susie sharing their first dance right about now. Picturing my ex’s face as he looks at his new wife like she’s a goddess is enough to make me feel sick, it hurts so bad. I spent almost a decade at Jack’s side with promises and dreams of a one day that never came, yet Susie got hers less than twelve months after he left me to be with her. It still chews me up and keeps me awake at night.
I loved him. I wanted him. I lost him.
The whole town I grew up in knows about it, too.
It’s hard not to feel like shit about yourself when everyone else is speculating on why you got dumped by the man who was your everything. So many people whispering rumours of how great Susie is in bed, and how loudly Jack sings her dirty praises to his friends.
The sorry thing is that a sad little part of me believes every nasty word they said.
Thank God I took the opportunity of the relocation at work, and upped and left for somewhere new. And here I am, now. Just a few weeks into starting over. A new life all on my own.
I collect my thoughts, pushing myself back into the job at hand. Georgie and Kieran should be the only ones on my mind tonight. Jack and Susie should be nothing to me. Not anymore.
I’m not expecting Georgie to head my way after the first few dances, but she does. She takes my hand in hers and squeezes tight with a grateful smile. It makes me feel guilty and ashamed for not being genuinely happy for her.
“Honestly, Cass, thank you so much! I was so worried when you stepped in and took over from Beverley, but you’ve been amazing. AMAZING!”
It’s a relief to hear. Transferring to another branch was always going to be risky. Introducing myself to clients already in the process of planning their big day and gaining their trust was a daunting task, but I’m succeeding. It’s one thing I have to be proud of, at least.
Georgie doesn’t stay with me long, grabbed by one of her sisters who pulls her back to the dance floor. I let my smile drop, thankful that I don’t have to keep up the happy for you act, because I’m struggling with every minute.
A waitress passes by and offers me a glass of prosecco. I wouldn’t usually drink on a work night, but fuck it, I take one. My wedding planner tasks are pretty much finished, everything having gone perfectly to plan.
The fizz of prosecco doesn’t help my mood all that much, but I finish my drink and take another glass anyway. Screw it. Everyone is caught up in the party, and I’m redundant from here on in.
I always stay until the very end in case of emergencies, so tonight I kick my own inner demons in the face and make the most of it. It only takes a few minutes before I finish up drink number two and take a third glass of prosecco from a waitress, despite the fact I rarely drink. I’m already a little way past tipsy, but I’m losing the ability to care. My senses are hazier than they should be, small talk becoming more and more distant as the room empties, even though the party lights are still going strong.
It’s when Georgie and Kieran make their exit for the passion of their wedding night that I truly relax and take a seat at the bar, promising myself I’ll finish my glass of prosecco and head off to my hotel room, and I mean it, until a man comes and takes a seat at the bar beside me.