“Me neither,” Val said.
I could. Corbin had been ready to shed the bachelor life years ago, and from what I’d seen firsthand at Young Cubs and heard about baseball camp, he had a way with kids. Just like Manning. Manning—where was he? He would find out about this, and what would he think? How could he hear Val was pregnant and have any other reaction than to wonder why I wasn’t? How much longer until he started to question what was wrong with his wife?
I breathed through my nose to regulate my heartbeat. I couldn’t stop staring at Dum as he gnawed and tugged on Val’s pant leg. I was a bad friend. I should’ve been more excited for Val, or probed into the fears I knew she harbored about marriage, or made her admit she could see Corbin as a dad, because she’d definitely lied about that. But I couldn’t bring myself to do anything but feel sorry for myself.
“I better take the dogs out again,” I said, needing fresh air as much as a moment to myself. Somehow, I managed to stand on stiff legs. “My mom’ll have a fit if they pee on the new rug.”
“Want me to do it?” Val asked, bending down for Dum. “I mean, let’s be honest, I think this one is mine.”
“No,” I exclaimed, snatching him before Val could. He wasn’t hers. Not yet. “I’ll only be a second. Sit with Tiff in case her water breaks or something.”
“Not in your father’s favorite chair,” my mom called from the kitchen.
Tiffany scoffed. “You’re putting me on labor watch? I can’t get a second alone as it is.”
Val tilted her head at me. “Are you okay?” she asked, her expression dripping with pity.
“Totally. I’m so happy for you.” I smiled, leaning over to hug her as the puppy squirmed between us. “I just can’t believe it. Congratulations. I’m . . . so happy for you.”
I was losing the ability to hold myself together, repeating myself and fighting off tears. I turned to leave so fast, I almost mowed over Corbin. “Whoa-a-a,” he said, stumbling back.
“Sorry,” I muttered, dodging around him. I whistled for the other puppies. Lady bounded out of my dad’s study and met us at the back door. When I let them loose and set Dum down, they went galloping across the backyard as I latched the pool gate. I went around the side of the house to get plastic bags from the recycling bin, then returned to sit on a short wall hiding the pool pump.
Tweedledee and Tweedledum tussled, somersaulting around the grass. Was this my future? Seeing my sister, cousins, friends, acquaintances through their pregnancies? Hiding my gynecologist visits from my husband? Raising Blue’s litters? If so, maybe we didn’t need to spay her after all. Would these puppies be my only babies? And here I was, giving them away.
“I’m concerned you’re infertile, Mrs. Sutter. Based on the information you provided and the cysts I found, it appears to be endometriosis. Let’s discuss your next steps.”
Just remembering my doctor running through our options, my uterus ached. I pressed my hand against my lower abdomen, trying to ease the throb. I thought back to all the times I’d asked Manning to love me. Choose me. It never occurred to me I might not be able to give him a family.
The backdoor opened and closed behind me. I kept my eyes on the dogs and tried to muster a smile. Otherwise, Manning would start asking questions—but it turned out to be Corbin who’d come looking for me.
He handed me a can of ginger ale. “You looked a little sick yourself.”
“Thanks,” I said, flicking the tab.
“Are you pregnant, too?” He sat on the wall. “Because that would be pretty dope if you guys had babies at the same time.”
“No.” I opened the can and took a long fizzy sip that made my nose tingle. In the silence that followed, I realized how curtly I’d answered him. “But I’m so happy for you guys.”
“You said that already. A few times.” He bumped me with his shoulder. “Is there some reason you wouldn’t be happy?”
I peered into the can as if it held all the answers. “Of course not.”
“Yeah, because this kid is practically yours. You’ll be like its second mom.”
“I know.” I smiled thinking about how the baby would surely come out tan and blond like his or her mom and dad. It was a warm, sunshine-filled thought until reality came crashing down. Manning’s son or daughter probably would’ve been the opposite. Dark. Pensive. A presence that turned your head.
“You okay?” Corbin asked, rubbing my back.
I tried to answer, but my throat was too tight. I shook my head, forming a fist against my thigh.
“This isn’t about us, is it?” he asked. “Haven’t you and Manning talked about kids? Is he being a dick about it?”