Anywhere but here. Anywhere I wasn’t staring disappointment in the face. “Blue needs more water.”
“But you might miss the next birth.”
“Luckily there’ll be more of them before the night is over,” I said.
“Sit with me a second.” He pressed the side of his face to mine, his familiar five o’clock shadow suddenly coarse and unpleasant. “Are we okay?” he asked quietly.
“You know the answer to that.”
“Yeah. We’re more than okay,” he said, “but you know it pisses me off when you’re pissed at me.”
I looked through the door at the stall across from us. When Manning had announced his plans to build a stable in our backyard, I’d giggled like a schoolgirl, teasing him about the time we’d gone horseback riding at camp. What were we going to do with it, though? Despite Manning’s help to overcome my fear of riding, I wasn’t exactly excited to get back on a horse, let alone own one. I doubted we could even afford a horse.
“I’m not pissed,” I said finally.
“Then that concerns me even more. If you’re not mad, what’s been going on with you lately?”
I slouched against him. I’d never be anything but happy with Manning. We’d fought against the odds and won. We’d gotten what we’d wanted, probably more than we deserved. Was it fair to ask for more? “Work stress,” I said. “Dealing with people’s pets is more emotionally taxing than I thought it would be.”
“I love that you care so much,” he said. “You can unload on me anytime, though. Maybe I can help.”
There he went being empathetic again. I shifted, the straw suddenly prickly through the seat of my jeans. “I just have to get used to it. Things’ll calm down.”
“Is that all it is?” he asked. “I can’t think of anything that would be easier to handle on your own when you could talk to me about it.”
I looked back at him as best I could. It was the perfect opening to explain why watching Blue give birth was hard for me, the reasons I’d been shutting him out lately, and the uncertain future ahead of us.
He just looked so proud. So hopeful. These puppies and the onset of spring signified new life, birth, prosperity. I’d have to break his heart soon enough, but it didn’t need to be tonight. I angled my chin up, and he kissed me once on the lips. “I’m fine,” I told him. “And I love you.”
He smiled. “Lucky me.”
This time, Manning let me stand. I picked up Blue’s dish and walked back to the house wondering how many more times in my life I’d come up against a question nobody should ever have to ask.
Was love alone enough?
14
Eight weeks and five puppies later, Manning and I drove to Newport Beach. One puppy had curled into my lap up front while two more chased each other across the backseat of Manning’s truck, barking out the window at everything in sight.
“They’re probably anxious being separated from the others,” I said, pouting when Manning complained about the noise. He was already annoyed we’d had to stop twice to let them out. “We should’ve brought them all.”
“All?” he asked. “We’ve got enough excitement for a two-hour drive with Tweedledee and Tweedledum back there.”
“Stop calling them that.”
He laughed, sliding one hand down the steering wheel. “I’ll bet money your dad picks the female.”
I ruffled my fingers through the furry head in my lap. We’d agreed not to name the pups we were adopting out so we wouldn’t get attached, but I’d taken to calling her Lady since she was one of two females in the litter. “We could’ve at least brought Blue. She’s been grumpy, and I don’t blame her. She’s barely had a minute alone in weeks.”
“Sorry to break it to you, but that bitch isn’t leaving the house until she’s spayed.”
I gave Manning a reproachful look. Just because my anger with him had fizzled the moment I’d held Blue’s first puppy didn’t mean I’d forgotten anything. He was lucky I’d been too busy to stay mad at him. Not only had our sleep been compromised while potty-training five puppies at a time, but April had kicked off the most hectic quarter I’d seen since starting at the animal hospital. And, it was hard in general to be sad with a houseful of puppies. “Blue should be healed enough for the operation by now. We’re swamped at work, but—”
“I’ll bring her, even if I have to sit in the waiting room for hours,” he said with an exaggerated grimace. “You have my word.”
Lady looked up at me with icy blue eyes like her mom’s. “I don’t know, Manning. Maybe we should just . . .”
“Don’t even think about it.”
“We could keep them all,” I said with excitement, in hopes it’d rub off on him. “They’re a family.”