As I said it, my throat thickened with the threat of tears. This was not how I’d anticipated the night would go. Now, not only was I embarrassed that I’d asked for a proposal I hadn’t received, but I’d also made a huge mistake by mentioning his father. I knew our situations were night and day, but I couldn’t help feeling as if Manning was siding with a man who would’ve preferred Manning and I never met at all.
I was angry, but not with Manning. He and I were solid—we’d moved the stars on our own. Despite my dad. For more than a decade, I’d been without the man who’d raised me—he’d gone that long not caring to close the gap between us. He hadn’t congratulated me on my graduation from NYU. Hadn’t checked in on my life beyond whatever he got from my phone calls with Mom. He’d let pride get in the way of all of that and he’d missed too much of my life. He didn’t deserve to come in at the best part.
“Lake,” Manning said from behind me as I set our glasses in the sink.
I rubbed the bridge of my nose as I glanced out into the backyard. It was a command to turn around, but I didn’t want to face him after what I’d said. I should never have brought his father into this. He was a monster from his core. That wasn’t my dad, no matter how he’d hurt me.
I turned to find Manning leaning in the doorway in his underwear, arms crossed over his oiled chest, hair sticking up in all directions. The man was equal parts sexy and cute and wholly impossible to stay angry with.
“I’m sorry,” I said, deflating. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I know you didn’t mean it that way.”
“I just don’t understand why this matters so much to you.”
“One of the reasons I never touched you was because I knew it would ruin your relationship with your family.” His torso expanded with a breath, a frown on his face. “You know if you and I had gotten together, even if Tiffany hadn’t been in the picture, it would’ve created a rift between you and your dad. I can’t help feeling this is my fault.”
“It isn’t, though,” I said.
“Regardless if it is or isn’t, you and I are older now. We’re as much adults as they are. If your dad and I have been able to keep in touch, you and he should be able to at least try.”
“But I’m happy, Manning. Truly happy—as happy as I could ever get. What gives my dad the right to skip all the hard and scary parts of my life and come in when everything is great?”
“I already told you.” Manning crossed the kitchen and slid a hand under my hair, caressing my cheek with his thumb. “This isn’t about him. It’s about you. And us.”
“Are we not okay?” I asked quietly. “Was I wrong to think everything was as close to perfect as it could get?”
“Oh, Birdy,” he whispered. “You weren’t wrong. I wouldn’t change a thing about our life together.” He put both palms to my cheeks. “I guess part of me just wanted to give you what I don’t have and never will. Maybe, selfishly, I want those things back . . . a father, a sibling, even a mother. I don’t have them anymore, and it kills me that you don’t, either—because of me.”
My heart dropped. I had been the selfish one, thinking this was only about me. Manning had needs that’d been easy for me to ignore. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I forget that you’ve lost not only your mom and dad, but mine as well. I know you had good times with your family until Maddy’s death.”
“That was a different life. Maybe I need to let go rather than trying to get you to forgive them. It’s my own insecurities bringing all this up.”
Having lost any sense of family as a teen, he reminded me all the time that I came first. Him and me, us—we were his priority. I leaned into his touch, sinking into the familiar roughness of his palm. “I’m your family.”
“And I don’t want to wait any longer to make that official. I want you as my wife—now. I want you pregnant with my child—now.”
The abruptness of his words caused heat to bloom from my chest to my face. A minute ago, I’d been concerned he was having second thoughts. Suddenly, we were talking babies? It wasn’t as if the idea of children never came up—it did frequently—but there was something extra arousing about his impatience. “You’ve said that before. Careful, or one of these days, you might wear me down.”
He narrowed his eyes on my mouth. “You say that like it’s a threat.”