His tail thumps in the darkness, one loud, quick smack. “So you will spend your days with me learning how to be self-sufficient and we will spend the nights together in the furs?”
“Yes,” I say, lifting my chin. “Like a real couple.”
“You…realize this is not a hardship for me?” A hint of amusement warms his tone. “I would have given you all of my attentions regardless. All you have to do is ask.”
For some reason, that makes me blush. “You don’t know. Maybe being with me won’t be appealing. I’m a virgin, too. I’ve seen how it’s done quite a bit, and I’ve read about it, but I have no practical knowledge. I might be really bad at it for a while and we’ll have to practice.”
“D’see,” he murmurs. “If you are thinking to talk me out of this agreement, telling me we shall have to repeatedly mate is not the way to do so.”
My face feels even hotter. Maybe it’s because I know he’s so interested that I’m getting shy. I’m used to being ignored, to sitting on the edge of the bed while others mate furiously in front of me. Knowing that someone wants to touch me, to give me pleasure makes me feel more virginal than I have in years. “I was waiting for resonance, but since we’re taking control of our resonance, we should take control of everything, you know?”
“I know.”
“And I want you to want this with me,” I tell him desperately. “It won’t work if we both don’t want it.”
“How do you know you will want my touch?”
Oh. It’s not something I’ve considered. After all, I like looking at him. I like it when we curl up under the furs at night. Why wouldn’t I enjoy his touch? But maybe he’s right. Maybe it will feel brotherly when we touch. I know that even just imagining R’jaal touching me makes me cringe a little inside. “Let’s do a test kiss then, to see if we can move forward.”
“Then come to me.” Something moves in the shadows and I realize it’s his hand. He’s holding it out to me.
I’m suddenly nervous. What if I’m the problem here? What if I can’t be aroused enough to get into sex on my own? I’ve been a voyeur for so long, an unwanted third party in Johani and Vuurash’s bed. I’m the cover story, never more. What if that’s messed me up? “I’m a little scared I’m going to do this wrong.”
O’jek snorts, the sound amused. “Do you think I will be an expert? As you said, we must practice.”
His easy words make me feel better. Right. I’m just panicking. This is what I want, after all.
I take O’jek’s hand and he tugs me forward. I try to sit next to him, awkwardly wondering how we’re going to manage this, when he puts his arms around my waist and plunks me into his lap. I sit sideways in the cradle of his crossed legs, and his arm goes behind my back, supporting me. I’m surrounded by him, but it doesn’t feel strange or scary. This is O’jek, my trusted friend. We’re going to do this together, like friends.
His fingers brush my chin and he tips my head, gazing down at me. His eyes are blindingly blue in the low light of the hut as he studies me. “Do you want me to mouth-mate you or do you wish to be the one that instigates?”
I lick my lips. “You can start.”
“As a reminder, I will be very bad at this.”
I giggle. His words break the weird tension between us, and I relax. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
O’jek leans in—and our noses bump into one another. “Hmm.”
“Tilt your head,” I suggest. “Though there are cultures on Earth that show affection with nose caresses.”
“Are there?” He rubs his nose lightly against the tip of mine. “Then it is good I have a large nose.”
For some reason, that small touch sends shivers up my spine. I like being snuggled in his arms, his nose brushing mine. “I don’t think you have a large nose,” I say, rapt. “It’s a great nose.”
“You say that because I am your friend,” he murmurs, and grazes it against mine again. His breath is warm on my face, and I’m oddly dizzy with anticipation. Why won’t he kiss me yet?
“I say that because I like your nose.” It doesn’t even sound like my voice, that husky, breathless sound. “I like your lips, too.”
Then, he finally kisses me.
I whimper the moment he does, because I want it so badly. It’s the barest brush of his lips over mine, but it’s soft and inviting and the promise of more. Then he pulls back, studying me. “You…sound pained.”
“Not pained,” I pant.
“Then why—”
“Because I want you to kiss me,” I blurt out, forgetting how to be flirty. There’s something about this moment—and about his intensity—that makes me forget all the courtesan training I’ve had. I have to be open with him, and vulnerable, and it’s both exciting and terrifying. “Please kiss me more than just that.”