Onyx
Sitting on my deck, drinking my morning coffee, my mind is running in all directions. I’m torn in half because I’m so fucking worried about my big brother. It’s been two weeks since his release and he seems to be getting worse. Yeah, he’s going to his physical and occupational therapy on schedule. Shit, he’s even making his shrink appointments, but damn, those days really suck for both of us. His attitude sucks before, and then after I can’t wait to get him home because he’s so cranky and moody. I tried to ask him if he needed a different therapist, maybe one who could better relate to him, and that just turned into a heated discussion. My brother informed me that unless someone has walked in his shoes, how would they be able to understand. I turned and walked away mutteringassholeunder my breath.
I think sometimes Ollie seems to forget that I too served in the Navy. Maybe not as elite as he did, but fuck, I did my time, saw some massive shit, and rolled with it. And this hurts because out of our entire family, it’s me who’s busting my ass to help him without putting any restrictions on him. Our parents are awesome, but they are of the mindset that they know what’s best, even for their grown-ass adult kids. Probably why both Ollie and I joined the Navy. Gave us a way out of Montana but at the same time appeased the parents with our choice for leaving home. The whole serve your country mentality.
Not sure what to do for him, I reached out to our sister, Brenna, for someone else’s opinion on how to help him. As usual, it’s a riot talking to my badass sister, who’s actually part of a women’s MC. She’s an officer, as well, she runs their IT, whatever the hell that means. One thing I do know is she is smarter than smart. A true brainiac and computer nerd. Once we got over our usual sister bullshit, I point-blank asked for any suggestions on how to get our brother back on track. Took a while but I tried to explain how the ‘mission in Bahrain’ fucked up Ollie’s head without breaking his confidence. Brenna caught on pretty quickly and shared she actually knew more than our family because she’d been nosing around on some government sites to see what was being said. That sent a shiver down my spine, which I told her, and she just laughed.
“Sis, some of the shit I do would make your hair turn white. Our powers that be in high places within the government have no idea what I’ve been up to, so no worries. But saying that, didn’t you go to college with that hard-ass chick who ended up some secret undercover CIA agent, and she married some dude that’s part of Cole Security Forces? Shit, between us, Onyx, I’ve tried to look into that security company and whoever is their top geek over there has some serious mad skills. I got my ass kicked out immediately. Why not give your friend a call and see if she can get a hookup for Ollie so he’s still playing soldier without all the hassle? I mean, is he physically able to do that kind of work still? I know that Cole’s does all kinds of security work around the world, so maybe someone somewhere could use our brother’s elite skills.”
After we talked for another hour or so, because Brenna loves to gossip and had to fill me in on all our family drama, I hang up and sit back. My kid sister is on to something. Yeah, I haven’t spoken to Charlie in a while but we’ve been friends for some time, and she always tells me if I need anything to just reach out. Damn, don’t want to break Ollie’s trust and confidence, but I don’t seem to be getting through to him at all. Each day that passes he’s falling deeper into his head and own personal hell, and nothing I do is pulling him back. I know that Cole Security has a couple of offices around the United States. Maybe they could use a stiff in one of them. Just being around all the guys and gals from the different branches who’ve been active might help Ollie start to heal. Knowing he’s taking a nap after his PT today, I grab myself something to drink and head toward my bedroom, which is on the other side of the house. If I’m going to reach out to my friend, I don’t want Ollie to know until there’s even something to share.
* * *
Shit, that was easier than I thought. Well, I should have known Charlie, she hasn’t changed at all. Both direct and blunt, she gave me some major bullshit for not calling her immediately when that ‘incident’ went down and Ollie was hurt. She asked quite a few questions about when, where, how, but not why. Told me she was gonna talk to Mark and get back to me. I know that her hubby, Mark, and most of the guys in Virginia are mainly Navy SEALs so probably can get a line on what really went down. Also, she told me that the dude who owns the company and his wife are out in California so if something comes of this, Ollie can go talk to Jackson first. Feeling like at least I’m making some effort, even though I don’t have any answers yet, I decide that I’ve done enough so far today and need a nap. So that’s what my plan is until I hear a loud crash on the other side of the house. Instantly, I’m off the bed running toward the noise.
Ollie’s door is closed but the noises coming from behind it scare the ever-lovin’ shit out of me. Opening the door, the sight before my eyes knocks the breath clear from my chest. The room is in shambles with my brother standing dead center, sweat running down his face, with crazy shining from his eyes. Slowly I enter the room, never taking my eyes from his.
“Olls, it’s me Onyx. Come on, big brother, calm down, it’s okay. You’re here with just me, that’s it. You aren’t supposed to be up on your feet just yet. Don’t want to mess up all the progress you’ve made. Take a minute and breathe. Remember what you’ve been told. Breathe and count each breath. Come on, I’ll do it with you. Deep breath, that’s one, another that’s two.”
As I take another really deep breath, Ollie looks at me then shakes his head, sweat flipping all over. I can feel the fear coming from him in spades, so I’m guessing his PTSD is all over the place. Not the first nightmare he’s had since released from the hospital. His days of captivity have really fucked him up and he refuses to talk about it. This is his way of dealing with it. I watch as his mind catches up with his body while he takes in another deep breath, and in a near whisper says, “Five.” Okay, we got this. For now, fingers crossed, Charlie gets back to me real soon, because after this I realize I need some major help with my brother. I don’t want to lose him because the military obviously is done with him. He’s no longer of any use to them so they dumped him out on his ass all alone. Hoping he can be useful to Cole Security Forces in some manner that will feed his soul.
Watching Ollie struggle to sit in his wheelchair before he comes towards me. I tense up just for a minute or two then my body relaxes right before he reaches out and pulls me down to him. His big frame is shaking, and I can hear the anguish in his voice.
“Damn it. Fuck, Onyx, I’m so sorry. Shit, one minute I was out, sleeping really good, next thing I know was beating the fuck out of the furniture. Tried to stop but couldn’t. Really, sis, I’ll get you new stuff, promise. You want me to leave? I’ll go to a motel, or something, I don’t want to take a chance and maybe hurt you, Half-Pint. Son of a bitch, why can’t I get a break, for Christ’s sake? Just give me the word and I’m out, promise.”
Shaking my head, I give him a gentle squeeze and look up.
“Yo, you big jerk, not kicking you out but, Ollie, you need to let people in. Now don’t get defensive, just listen. Please. No one knows what you’ve been through, including losing almost all your team. You refuse to talk about it, and that right there is going to keep messing you up. Please, I’m begging you to trust me. Have I ever judged you? I’m here just because you’re loved, brother, so let’s go out sit our asses on that soft as fuck sectional and get comfortable so you can tell me what is screwing up your head.”
At first, I don’t think he’ll give my request a second thought but after a couple of minutes he pulls back, looks down, and nods.
“Let me try to clean up ‘Tornado Ollie’ in here and then we’ll talk okay, Half-Pint?”
Nodding because he won’t want my help, I glance around before I head to the kitchen. Gonna get some coffee started, I’m figuring it might be a long talk.