Ollie
I know how pissed off Pixie is at me because I feel the same way about myself. Usually, I’m so calm and collected, what the fuck happened today? For some reason, my radars got crossed and I assumed and went way down the wrong road. No, the parents weren’t abusing or blaming the little guy for anything. He was doing it to himself. Turns out mom was driving him to a school event with his sister in the car. He asked a question, mom turned to give him an answer, blew through a stop sign, and bam… they were hit by a truck. Sister got the worst of it but still no diagnosis yet of permanent paralysis.
I took a moment when the parents cooled down enough to talk to the kids. I gave them a very vanilla story about my injuries and explained how the wheelchair was allowing me to heal and I wouldn’t be in it forever. As we talked, I could see the boy getting a better understanding. The girl was pretty spot-on and had been trying to tell her brother it wasn’t his fault. She was actually blaming her mom for taking her eyes off the road. It was just a ton of back-and-forth blame.
When I was done, and they were going back to pick out their kittens, the girl wheeled up to me thanking me for helping with her brother. As she wheeled away, she shouted to me, “Good thing you’re not stuck in the wheelchair, you’re too hot for an old guy to be, Ollie Ol.”
She giggled as she wheeled away as everyone around us broke into laughter at my expense. And for the rest of the day, I became old Ollie. Fuckers. Well, everyone but Pixie. She’s been shooting flames at me since I approached the parents. Well, now I gotta fix it because I don’t want this between us. So here I am in her house, probably going to have to go on bended knee—not literally of course—and beg for forgiveness. This totally sucks.
“What do you want, Ollie? I have nothing to say to you right now so please, can I have a damn minute to myself?”
Just the tone of her voice sends ice down my back. Nothing like my Pixie, more like someone I don’t know. Nope, not backing down.
“Sorry, Pixie, can’t do it. I know you’re pissed and don’t like it. If what I did made you upset and mad, I’m sorry, really. But I had to follow my gut and something wasn’t right there. I didn’t mean to mess up your open house though, it just happened.”
She spins around so fast she loses her balance and when Pixie tries to counterbalance before I can do a damn thing, she lands hard on her butt. But she is down there but a minute and bounces back up to get right into my face, finger pointing.
“Nothing just happens, Ollie. You’re an adult so you have choices in life. You didn’t even think about the consequences when you just rolled over there to confront two people you didn’t know from Jack. And not to be a bitch, but what exactly were you going to do from that wheelchair? If Mr. Kelley got pissed or something, he could have really hurt you. Didn’t you even think of that? I don’t give a shit that there was a scene during the open house, didn’t hurt us at all. I’m pissed and hurt at you, Ollie. Maybe I shouldn’t put my trust in you, I thought you were a good guy. But then again, my judgment of ‘good guys’ is never right. I should’ve learned from the last time.”
She plops her head in her hands, her curly hair forming a curtain around her face. What the hell just happened? We went from me causing a scene to me getting my ass kicked, which is such a crock of shit, to something about her bad choices in men. Really, how do I even reply? Thinking on it, I don’t have to. I can turn and catch a ride with one of the guys. If I do that, not only am I running away but then she’ll be right about the type of guy I am. This, whatever is building, will be over before it starts. And I, for one, don’t want that at all. I need to know what she meant though by good guys and shit.
“Okay, Pixie, I’ll give you all you said. Except two things, there was no way in hell that guy could have kicked my ass just because I’m in a wheelchair. First, if it came to that, I still have my arms and, if I had to, my legs. Second, if it got that bad, do you think any of my brothers would stand by and let me get my ass beat? Now, I need you to explain the good guy-bad guy and your last comment of ‘learned the last time.’ I will say it again, I’m a good guy. Never would I hurt you intentionally, but I’m also a man, so I’m gonna piss you off, obviously. What’s going on here, Paisley? I’m confused as hell. I mean, I understand you getting riffled with me not thinking, but the rest, where’s that bullshit coming from?”
Watching her, I can see the deep breaths she takes before raising her head, gathering her hair, and with the scrunchy from her wrist I watch her put it up in that messy bun shit. I do like that look with all that hair of hers because some little pieces always fall down. She leans back into the sofa, grabbing a pillow onto her lap, hugging it tight. I can see dampness on her cheeks. With her eyes filled with tears she locks them with mine but says not one word. She seems to be searching for whatever it is she needs so I give her time. I totally understand that, sometimes shit that’s in your head either doesn’t want to come out or you can’t find the words for it. Well, that’s what my therapist explained to me.
“Ollie, I’m sorry. Yeah, I’m pissed about that shit show out there but I shouldn’t have thrown my bullshit on your lap. You’re right and I’m wrong, because you are—from what I’ve seen—a good guy. But there’s so much to be done and this conversation is going to take some time, so can we please hold off? Please, Ollie, I need to tell you my story and share my demons with you, as you do with me, but right now my responsibilities are waiting on me. We have to help those people out there who are only here to help us, um no, I mean me. Later on, we can get comfortable and share everything. But right now, please know I’m sorry, it was a long day and I wish I could say I’m hormonal, but I can’t even use that excuse.”
Hearing that, I kind of laugh. She shyly smiles at me while she stands and walks toward me. Her hands on my shoulders, she gives me a hug which I think she needs more than me. Then after I turn, she holds on to my shoulder as she walks, and I wheel back outside to close down the farm and get everything ready for the next day. Together.