She tried to laugh, but it came out a sob, and she held it back with a hand across her mouth. When she was under control, she talked. “Yes, of course. I forgot I was just a plaything for you, and you had much more important things to do than think of me.”
He straightened. “That’s not fucking true.”
“You couldn’t bother to take time to even call. You’ve got a good excuse about caring about my health, but that’s a fucking lie.”
“I was at Gage’s several times. I’d watch you when you were outside by the pool or just sitting. I could tell you were in pain, and the last thing I wanted was to make it worse.”
“Did you ever think I was in pain because of our failed relationship?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “How am I going to get through to you?”
“What are you talking about? You have already. I’ll be out of here in a few minutes if you leave me alone.”
“You think this is what I want?”
“Yes. I might be leaving, but you left a long time ago. I was just too stupid to see it.” She looked back down at her suitcase. “Please, Darian, I’m too tired to fight. I don’t think there’s a lot more we can say for closure.”
“I don’t want closure. I want you. I would have never left you, Larkin. You’re my soul, baby. I know I’m fucking this up. I shouldn’t have started drinking so early, but it was the only thing I could do to ease the pain enough for me to breathe.”
She was shocked that he was drinking already. He looked worse than she’d ever seen him.
“Please talk to me.”
“Where’s your wife?” she asked.
“She’s my ex and has been for sixteen years. We were married for less than six months. Don’t ask me why we got married because I never loved her. I didn’t think of it as a marriage because we got it annulled. I always thought of it as one of those life lessons that everyone goes through.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me about her?”
“Because I honestly didn’t think about her. I haven’t thought about her for over a decade. I believe she was never really a wife in my heart and the law’s eyes. I had to pay her to leave, but it was worth it.”
She rubbed her forehead. “Darian, I need to find a life that suits me, and you need to find a woman you won’t be embarrassed by so you can marry her.”
“I’ve never been embarrassed by you for one single second we’ve been together.”
“Then I’m at a loss about what’s wrong with me.”
“What are you talking about, baby?”
“I’m good enough to be around here and with our friends, but I’m just not good enough to marry.” She sighed when he stood there staring at her. She walked into the closet and grabbed more clothes. When she came back out, it was to see the clothes she had already packed sitting on the sofa at the other end of the room.
God, she couldn’t take anymore.
A sob caught in her throat as she sat down and pressed her face into her hands, and she let it go. She felt the bed dip beside her and then his arm around her. He tightened his grip on her when she tried to move away from him.
“Easy, baby. I’ve got you.”
She couldn’t get it to stop, and she was starting to gag.
“Come on, baby. Calm down. Breathe with me.”
It took another few minutes before her crying slowed and then stopped. He used one of her shirts to wipe her tears, then pressed it against her nose. “Blow.”
“I want you to listen to me carefully. I love you with all my heart. No wait,” he said when she leaned away from him. “I’ve never loved someone the way I love you. I want us to be together for the rest of our lives.” He waited for a moment. “I’m going to fuck up, but please know it’s just because I’m a man. We seem to do that a lot.”
She smiled a little.
“But at no time does it have to do with you. I couldn’t have found a more perfect woman for me. I thank God for the miracle of finding you all the time. You are and will always be my miracle. Can you please find it in your heart to forgive me?”
She exhaled.
“Please, baby. I can’t live without you.”