“I’m sorry,” I blurted. “I don’t—I just got so angry. I just wanted to show them that they hadn’t won—none of them. And then I was scared that the Brid would be able to find you if I—”
“Odran came and told us,” Gillie interrupted calmly. “We understand.”
“I’m sorry,” I repeated in a croak, feeling small and weak.
“You don’t need to apologise.” Nua rested his spindly hand on my branch arm. “We’re just so glad you’re alright.”
“Come into the kitchen and have some of your tea, lad.” Gillie gave me a smile before turning and ambling into the kitchen.
Nua and I followed, and I exhaled as calm settled over me from being back here. The seelie palace didn’t feel like a home.Thisdid.
“What’s happened since you went with her?” Nua asked, leading me to the table as Gillie ladled tea into mugs. “What has she… Has she done anything? Was she pleased to see you?”
I snorted humourlessly at that. “No. She tried to act like she was, but she’s full of shit.”
I looked up as Gillie approached with our mugs, and his brows twitched into a frown at the haunted look I knew filled my eyes.
“She—she made me kill a fae in front of everyone. For no reason.” I swallowed, the guilt festering. “She tried to use my name. And I—If I hadn’t done it, she would have known. And the Carlin was there—”
“The Carlin was there?” Nua said sharply. “On seelie land?”
I nodded, staring at the table. “The Brid invited her and her sons for dinner. To gloat. To parade me in front of them.”
Nua exhaled hard and picked up his mug. “That comes as no surprise.”
Gillie slid my mug in front of me, and I stared into the dark liquid. “I killed him even though I didn’t have to.”
The excuses tried to burst out again—that it would have been too dangerous for the Brid to realise I had my second name in that moment. But that was all they were—excuses. Me trying to justify the fact that all I’d been doing was saving my own skin. Protecting myself in the easiest way by murdering a defenceless fae.
“You did have to, Ash,” Nua said gravely. “You’re right. It’s too dangerous for the Brid to realise that she can’t control you that way. You did what you had to.”
I shook my head and picked up my mug, but didn’t take a sip.
“What happened with the Carlin?” Gillie asked after a minute of silence.
“Nothing,” I said woodenly. “She and her sons came for dinner. The Brid taunted her. Then they left.”
Nua and Gillie exchanged a worried glance.
“She… She is still very angry, Ash,” Nua said slowly.
I snorted. “I’m sure she is.”
He cleared his throat. “But at least she can’t get to you on seelie land. You shouldn’t stay here long. It’s safer for you there. From the Carlin, at least.”
I shook my head. “I’m not going back yet.”
They stared at me.
“So… are you staying here?” Nua asked. “Won’t the Brid care?”
“She’ll care only because she wants to use me,” I said flatly. “But I’m not staying here.”
“Where are you going?” Nua asked hurriedly, worry bleeding into his voice. “Surely not back to unseelie land—”
“I’m going to kill her.”
His eyes widened. “You found a way to kill the Carlin?”