Right. Because he was my brother. That hadn’t really sunk in yet.
I blinked fast, trying to understand. To sort through everything I’d found out, teeming in my brain like a swarm of flies.
The Carlin had taken me so I would shed my mortal skin and become full seelie. So she could chain me up in her court and eat me bit by bit to steal my power, just so she wouldn’t have to cede control to the Seelie Queen when the Mild Months came.
She’d killed my parents. Her and her sons.
“They killed my dad and Mags,” I said hoarsely, vaguely aware that I wasn’t following the conversation well. “One of her sons.”
It shamed me that I couldn’t remember which—I should have remembered that. But then, it didn’t matter, because I was going to kill all of them. The murderous rage was still there, quietly simmering beneath the confusion and the whisky and the throbbing pain of my arm.
Nua’s brows pinched. “I’m sorry, Ash. I suspected. It would have been Lonan. Her youngest son. Her blade.”
I blinked in confusion, a frown tugging at my brows. “I thought her youngest son was Cethlen. The blind one.”
He stared at me.
“No,” he said slowly. “It’s Lonan. The one who watched you. The one who visited your cottage. Often,” he added in a grim voice.
I shook my head, leaning it back against the dirt wall. I was so tired.
“None of them—” My throat closed up, panicking me for a moment. Then I realised—I was fae now. I couldn’t lie. But I couldn’t remember any of the sons visiting me often at the cottage. I racked my brain, trying to think.
“Balor visited me once,” I said, relieved when the words came out easily. “I can’t remember why, though.”
“No, Ash, I’m talking about Lonan.” Nua’s voice was tense, his eyes tight. “Lonan. The black-eyed son. He visited you all the time.”
I shook my head again.
“I don’t kn—” My throat closed up again, making my eyes dart with panic. What was happening? I didn’t know anyone called Lonan. I’d never met anyone with that name. And none of the Carlin’s sons had visited meall the timeat the cottage. The thought sent revulsion shuddering through me.
So why was my new fae body reacting like I was telling a lie?
“I… I don’t remember,” I said cautiously, swallowing once the words escaped.
Had I forgotten things?
It didn’t feel like I had. There were no obvious black holes in my memory. I remembered sitting in the garden back home, getting up to go inside and being yanked off my feet by cold fingers.
I remembered waking up in the cart. Caom and Idony. Odran the kelpie. Belial the apothecary, who had poisoned me. I remembered meeting the Carlin and seeing her three terrifying sons sitting behind her in their thrones. Being taken to the cottage by Belial and Caom. Sitting in there alone, day after day. Occasionally being forced to go to parties and celebrations. Occasionally going into the village to buy things or go for a drink with Caom.
I remembered making the potion that could have finally unlocked my fae side, but being knocked out and taken to the Carlin’s court before I could try.
Nua was still staring at me. He leaned forward and rested his palm against my forehead, keeping it there even when I tried to flinch back from his touch. It felt cool.
“You don’t have a fever, but…” He sat back, still staring at me. “Ash, you… Prince Lonan visited youall the time. Was there… Were you involved with him?”
Before I could insist that I didn’t know anyone by that name, Gillie strode back into the room carrying a cup made of horn and a deep wooden bowl.
“How are you feeling, lad?” He knelt beside me again and passed me the cup. “Drink this. Are you hungry?”
I shook my head, slowly sipping the water but still managing to dribble some down my chin. My hand felt uncoordinated and disconnected from the rest of me. Hand. Just the one now. My head swimming, I let out a weak snort even though it absolutely wasn’t funny.
Gillie was eyeing me with mild concern. “Right, well, let’s get this salve on and your arm bandaged up. Then some sleep, eh? You’ll feel better in the morning.”
I doubted that very much. I’d just be hungover and still missing an arm.