Chapter Fourteen
Lonan
“Whenareyou going to stop moping, little brother?”
Balor’s drawl made my shoulders stiffen, but I didn’t turn from the lake. When was he going to stop following me? Spying on me? I’d come out here because it was an empty corner of my mother’s land, Ash’s abandoned cottage the only thing even remotely close by.
And I’d been fervently hoping to spot the kelpie. The one who had delivered that book to Ash—who had been trying to help him. I knew he wouldn’t have told me anything, but I still would have begged. I still would have pleaded for any kind of news on Ash.
I knew that he was still safe, because I watched him constantly in the forest. But I wanted to know if he washappy. He hadn’t seemed it, that night he’d crept into the cottage. And I had only made it worse, blurting everything out to him like a madman.
“When are you going to stop seeking me out to catch me alone?” I gritted out. “Should I be worried,brother? Watching me constantly. Obsessing over who I’ve fucked.”
“Youshouldbe worried,” he snarled as he stepped in front of me. “You fucked your seelie dog for months like it wasn’t an abomination. An insult to your heritage.”
I flattened my gaze and stared back at him, refusing to react even though I burned to pull my blade free and slide it between his ribs.
“Just what is it about him, I wonder?” Balor changed tack, his voice becoming airy. “Did you tell him that you have obsessed over him since you were both boys? Did you tell him that you used to watch him constantly, evenbeforeour mother ordered you to?”
I said nothing, shifting my gaze back to the still, dark water of the lake.
“Was he flattered?” Balor continued with a smirk in his voice. “Not that it matters, now that he despises you because he thinks you killed his parents.” He laughed. “The irony is amusing, isn’t it? The Carlin lied to his face without either of them realising. Do you think she suspects, Lonan? That you were too weak to do it? That I did it for you?”
When I still said nothing, he stepped closer.
“Not that I will tell her. You have my word. You’re far more useful with this debt hanging over your head.”
I clenched my jaw hard. “I didn’t ask you to do it. It’s not a true debt.”
“Oh, but it is,” he cooed with mock sympathy, patting my cheek and making me flinch. “It had to be done. She’d ordered you to kill them. If I hadn’t helped you, you would have been compelled anyway. And then her words wouldn’t have been a lie, and the dog would have a true reason to despise you.”
The scar on my right forearm burned. I could still remember the searing agony of Balor’s blade slicing through it. Cutting off my arm, just like he’d cut off Ash’s. I’d been trembling with shock when he yanked my blade free and placed it in my severed hand, horror streaking through me as I witnessed my fingers curl around the hilt and grip it tight.
I’d tried to follow him, but I’d already sliced through the tendons on the backs of my ankles in a desperate attempt to stop myself from carrying out my mother’s order. I’d ignored the pain, trying to stand and immediately collapsing thanks to my useless feet. So I’d crawled one-handed instead. He’d strode off into the darkness and vanished, escaping my pathetic pursuit easily.
He’d used my arm to kill Ash’s parents that night. He fulfilled the Carlin’s order for them to die by my hand. When he returned, splattered in their blood, he’d flung my arm and blade back at me with a sneer, spitting on me and telling me I was weak. Telling me that I owed him a debt.
I’d managed to make it to Belial’s house, clutching my own severed arm in my trembling hand. He’d had to pry the blade loose from the clawing fingers before reattaching it with his poisons.
I’d tried to tell Ash that it hadn’t been me. I’d tried, but even the pathetic “I didn’t,” had burned my throat unbearably, choking me, not allowing me to say any more. My mother’s order to keep us all from telling him anything had ensured that the words would never leave me. Even if he still remembered me, I’d never truly be able to profess my innocence.
Not that I felt innocent in any of it.
“Howisyour arm these days?” Balor asked with a sympathetic tut, and I realised I’d been fingering the scar through my shirt. “Does it still pain you? Did the apothecary manage to reattach it with no lasting damage? It would have been a shame if you stopped being good at the only thing Mother finds you useful for.”
I dropped my hand and slowly shifted my eyes to his.
“I’m as good with my blade as I ever was,” I told him in a cold, emotionless voice.
Balor’s eyes sparked with a hint of fear before he masked it behind another smirk. “And I bet you are eager to show me, aren’t you? Shame you can’t.”
He stepped closer. Revulsion twisted my stomach, making me want to jerk away from him. To turn into a bird and fly away from him. But I refused to show him any more weakness.
“You really must accept the fact that you lost, Lonan,” he said softly. “This isn’t even about our mother.Iwon. And one day, I will cash in on the debt you owe me. All the debts. All the secrets I’m keeping for you.”
“Tell her everything,” I rasped. “You think I care what she does to me? Ash is gone. She will take her rage out on me. I welcome it.”
He laughed. “If that was true, you’d tell her yourself. But you won’t. You can’t. You’re just a snivelling worm still pining for his seelie dog. I know you are searching for him, Lonan. And I know it’s not for our mother. Yet another secret I’m keeping for you.”