I knew that logically. I knew I was being a bastard, bristling too easily, speaking too rudely. I flushed and looked away, lifting my one hand to trace a seam in the wooden tabletop.
“So what about me?” I asked quietly. “What about my name? Does that mean someone can control me because I never got my second one?”
“Yes,” Nua said gravely. “If the Brid found you, she would be able to control you. She knows your name. She picked it.”
I tensed up at that. “My dad named me.”
“Ash, yes. But she probably influenced your father’s decision to call you that, planting the idea in his mind when she left you on his doorstep. And you will have a fae name. One only the Brid knows.”
I stared at him. “So… what does that mean? That she can control me? Why would she want to, if she wanted me dead?”
Nua flinched, and Gillie reached over to clasp his hand.
“If she finds out you are full fae now, she might be… eager to meet you,” he said. “She has no heir. I’m not welcome there anymore.”
“Heir?” I wanted to laugh, but my mouth wouldn’t even pull up into a smile. “Like I’m going to inherit her throne?”
“Well, potentially, yes.” Nua looked uncomfortable. “But not for a very, very long time. The Brid has been Seelie Ruler for centuries. And she will stay on the throne for many more.”
I shook my head weakly. This was ridiculous. “I don’t want to be ruler of anything.”
“Even so, you should get your second name. Just in case she finds you.”
I stared at him hard. “How would she find me? Does she even know I’ve been on the Carlin’s land for months?”
“We don’t know,” Gillie answered. “We obviously don’t speak to either court. But whispers travel between them. There are solitary Folk who act as spies for both sides. Watching from the forest to take messages back.”
I reached up and wiped my face wearily. So I potentially hadanothercourt of Folk out there wanting to trap me? Or kill me?
“How do I do it, then? How do I get my second name?”
“Once you’re healed, I can tell you how,” Gillie said. “I know my family’s method. You might not like it though,” he added with a chuckle. “It involves the magic mushrooms you’re not too fond of.”
I tensed up, cursing myself for lowering my guard for even a minute. “So you’re going to drug me? Make me think it will show me how to do it?”
“I’m not going to drug you,” he said calmly. “I’m not going to force you to do anything. I will show you how, and if you want to, you can. Once you’re healed.”
That just made me go even stiffer, sitting up straight in my chair. “So it’s a bribe then? You’ll withhold the information so I have to stay here?”
“It’s not a bribe,” he said steadily. “But I’m not telling you until you’re healed. For your sake. You wouldn’t last long alone in the woods in your current state, Ash.”
I gritted my teeth. “Why don’tIget to decide that?”
“Ash, I’m a patient man.” Gillie’s silver eyes were hard as he stared at me. “I understand you are in pain. But snarling at me will achieve nothing. I will happily show you how to find Ogma when you’re healed. Until then, you can stay here if you want, or you can leave.” He nodded at the dagger on the table. “You have a weapon now. Either you keep hold of it here so you feel safer, or you go out there alone and hope it will be enough.”
Nua sucked in a breath. “Gillie—”
“You can stay here as long as you like,” Gillie continued, “if that’s what you decide. For the rest of your life, if you want. You are Nua’s brother, so you are my family. You are always welcome here.”
I was mortified when my eyes got hot. I looked down at the table, shoulders hunched up to my ears. The urge to apologise burned on the tip of my tongue.
The urge to trust them burned even stronger in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to, so badly. I wanted to believe them. I wanted to have someone I felt safe with, because I hadn’t had that for so very long.
“Could I have some tea?” I asked quietly, after a long moment adding, “Please?”
“Of course, lad,” Gillie said easily as he stood up, taking it for the uneasy truce I’d intended it to be.