I heard him let out an unsteady breath. “I understand that urge. More than you know.”
I glanced up at him.
“What does that mean?” Then I straightened, staring at him properly. “Why are you living out here? If you’re the Seelie Queen’s son, why aren’t you there? With her?”
Nua fiddled with his mug, spinning it slowly in his hands on the table, just like I did when I was nervous.
“When I—The first time I visited you when you were a boy, I was there for a reason,” he told me, keeping his eyes lowered. “When you turned seven, the Brid, our mother… told me to kill you.”
He stopped as if to gauge my reaction. I just watched him. Was I supposed to feel sad that this random fae woman wanted me dead? Even if she was my biological mother? I didn’t know her. I’d never met her. Mags had been the only mother I’d ever known.
When I didn’t say anything, Nua continued.
“She wanted me to absorb your power. It would have killed you. Half of you is—was fae, so it would have been like… like cutting you in half. I didn’t want to do it. And when I went to see you… I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t have ever hurt you.” He looked up at me with a slightly watery smile, his green eyes glistening. “You were so sweet, and I could see the fae in you even then. The blood we shared. You were pretending to make a potion in your garden—do you remember?”
I clenched my jaw and gave a terse nod.
“So I stayed away from the Brid’s court for a while, visiting you. I wanted to know you, Ash. You were my brother. But… my visits drew others who got curious. Unseelie Folk who had heard rumours about the Brid’s halfling son. That was why I told you to stay away from them. And that was why I made sure your house had cold black iron to keep them out.”
Nua exhaled shakily. “When I knew you were safe in your home, I went back to tell the Brid that I wouldn’t do it. She was furious. She tried to kill me. I only just managed to escape into the forest.”
He gestured towards the doorway that Gillie had gone through.
“I’d been with Gillie for many years already by then, in secret, so I have lived with him here ever since.” He smiled, and it was soft. “I haven’t regretted my decision for even a moment.”
“So she just gave up?” I asked tightly. “Because you wouldn’t kill me, she left me alone?”
Nua shook his head. “No, she sent others. Gillie and I stopped them. It was why I kept visiting you until you were fourteen. Why I kept telling you to stay away from the others.”
As my brows pinched, Gillie walked back into the room carrying a dagger with a gleaming white blade and a dark brown hilt. He set it down in the centre of the table and sat, casually picking up his mug to have a sip of tea.
“Why only until I was fourteen?” I asked. “And why did she tell you to kill me when I turned seven? Why did the Carlin wait until I was twenty-one to take me?”
Gillie chuckled. “Folk and our beliefs. Threes and sevens—sacred numbers.”
“For your first seven years, there would have been no trace of your fae side,” Nua explained, “but then it started emerging. Fourteen is a sacred milestone for the Folk. It’s when we start maturing, and we can gain our second name. We were all forced to leave you alone for those seven years.”
I stared at him. “Second name?”
Nua nodded. “Do you know that Folk can be controlled by their names?”
I shifted in my seat.
“I think I read that when I was younger,” I muttered, not wanting to show any ignorance.
“Obviously we are all given a name when we are born—one that is closely guarded between parent and child, because it allows the parent to control their child completely. When a fae child turns fourteen, their parents tell them how they can find Ogma to gain their second name. So that it is a complete secret, even from them, and no one can control them.”
I blinked, trying to keep up. “What—Ogma—?”
Nua nodded. “The Keeper of Names. She lives in these woods, but you can’t find her unless you’ve been told a way to do it. There are many ways. Families have their own methods, which are closely guarded secrets that are passed down.”
He shot a grim look at Gillie, who was sipping his tea.
“There are rumours that the Carlin never showed her sons how to find Ogma. So that she has complete control over them even now.”
I tensed up. “What, so I’m supposed to just forgive them? One of them killed my parents. I don’t care if she ordered them to do it. They’re all just as fucking bad.”
“Nua’s not saying that,” Gillie said calmly. “He’s not saying you need to forgive anyone.”