Once it was done, he sat back and exhaled slowly. “We’ll keep applying the salve until the leg is ready.”
I nodded, mouth trembling as I clutched Lonan’s cold hand. “Th-thank you.”
Gillie looked up at Nua. “We’d best get started, my love. The sooner his new leg is on, the better.”
Nua nodded and touched my shoulder gently.
“I’ll get some water,” he said. “For when he wakes up.”
I didn’t move as Nua set a jug and cup beside me then left to collect branches. I could hear Gillie in the kitchen, already making the brew to soak the branches.
I still hadn’t moved when Nua returned. My legs were stiff and sore, but I stayed where I was even when they stepped into the room and told me that the branches were soaking in the potion and would be ready tomorrow. I gave them a brief, watery smile in thanks, but looked straight back down at Lonan as I heard them go into their bedroom.
Lonan still hadn’t woken up. Now that Nua and Gillie were gone, I leaned down and let out a weak sob as I pressed my trembling lips to his forehead. It was cold and clammy.
“Please wake up.”
He didn’t. I heard Nua and Gillie come out of their room a while later. Heard them in the kitchen, murmuring quietly to each other. When Nua came to the doorway and asked if I wanted dinner, I just shook my head.
Eventually the light in the sidhe dimmed as they banked the fire in the kitchen and blew out the candles, but Gillie fed the hearth in the living room a fresh log before they went to bed.
It was silent except for the crackling of the fire. My eyes burned with exhaustion as I stared down at Lonan, willing him to wake up.
I didn’t know how many more hours passed before he finally did. My breath caught when I saw his eyelids flutter, then they opened. Bleary black eyes looked up into mine.
Lonan’s face crumpled. “Ash.”
“I’m here,” I said quickly, clutching his hand. “I remember you. I remember you.”
He broke down and wept. I wanted to hold him but I was too scared of hurting his leg. I smoothed his sweat-damp hair back with a trembling hand, biting down hard on my lip at the sound of his gut-wrenching sobs.
“Ash,” he croaked again, then reached up and took my hand with shaking fingers and drew it to his mouth. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed, pressing his cold lips to my palm. “I’m sorry.”
I shook my head, vision going blurry. “You don’t need to be sorry.”
Lonan kissed my palm again, clinging onto my hand with clammy fingers. “I didn’t—It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me—”
“I know,” I rasped. “I know it was Balor.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you.” Lonan’s chin trembled as more tears fell. “I t-tried to stop him. I’m sorry I was so weak.”
“You weren’t.” My throat hurt as I swallowed. “You defied the Carlin by not—not killing them. That’s not weak.”
“I t-tried to tell you in the ways I could,” he sobbed. “I tried to stop it.”
I swallowed again, trying to shift the lump clogging my throat. “I know you did.”
He shook his head, a fat tear splashing onto my hand. “Forgive me.”
“I don’t need to forgive you. There’s nothing to forgive.”
I gently pulled my hand free and leaned down to kiss him. His mouth trembled against mine, but he kissed me back with desperation.
“I’msorry,” I croaked when I pulled back. “I’m sorry I believed them. I’m sorry I—I’m sorry about what I said.” I sniffed, tears dripping onto Lonan’s shirt. “I should have trusted you. I should have listened to you.”
“H-h-how—” He struggled to get the words out. “H-how do you remember me?”
My mouth quirked into a humourless smile. “I died. Again.”