Chapter Thirty
Ash
I gripped Lonan’s favour at my throat in a tight fist as I made my way to seelie land. It was still dark—I’d woken the moment it turned midnight, it seemed, the sudden rush of memories forcing me awake.
I wished I could go and see him one last time before I died. My breaths still hitched constantly, tears threatening to escape as I crept through the forest. I wanted him to know that I remembered him. That I knew now he hadn’t killed my parents. That I believed him when he’d desperately tried to tell me that none of it had been a game.
I wanted to tell him that I loved him one last time.
Where was he? Now I had my memories of him back, I knew he’d been my constant companion out here in the forest. And the black moth I’d seen on my windowsill every night at the seelie palace—I knew that had been him too.
But no black animals had trailed behind me as I’d made my way to Hybra and back. The realisation terrified me. Had something happened to him?
I tried hard to push the worries away. I couldn’t afford to be distracted at all when I went to the Brid.
But it was so hard. He was all I could think about. My body strained with the desire to turn and run in the opposite direction—straight to unseelie land to try and find him. But I knew that would result in my death as well—and that way, I wouldn’t have at least managed to kill the Brid before I was gone. I had no idea if Gadleg’s venom would kill the Carlin, but I doubted it. The book had specified that Gadleg was the only snake my mother couldn’t control. It hadn’t mentioned the unseelie ruler at all. I wasn’t willing to risk it.
Resentment churned at the realisation that I would never get to kill the Carlin or her sons. Not that I could ever killallof her sons, now that I remembered Lonan was one of them. But Balor, I would have enjoyed killing. He was the one who murdered my parents. He deserved to die alongside the Carlin.
Maybe Lonan would be able to do it. He’d told me he hated her, that night I’d snuck into my old cottage. And Gillie had grimly told me what Odran had heard between Balor and Lonan at the lake on unseelie land. Balor wanted Lonan for himself. He’d tried tobargainwith him for sex.
I desperately hoped that Lonan slit his throat someday, for his own sake. Not even for what Balor had done to my parents.
I had to shoot and kill several more seelie guards as I made my way to the Brid’s land. Regret and guilt pinched in my chest every time, but it was safer. If I left them injured and let them go back, they’d tell her I was here. They’d tell her I was coming.
Terror pounded like a war drum in my chest with every step.You’re going to die. You’re going to die.
I tried to calm my frantic heart with thoughts of Nua becoming the seelie king. He would be a good ruler—kind and fair. He wouldn’t slaughter Folk for no reason. Even though I wouldn’t be there to witness it, the thought made me smile. He deserved it. Him and Gillie. They deserved everything.
As sick as it may have seemed, I was glad the Carlin had stolen me. I was glad of everything that had happened, except my parents’ senseless murder. At least I’d gotten to know my brother and Gillie. At least I’d had Lonan for a little while. At least I would die knowing what it was like to love someone so much it hurt—knowing that there were people I cared for so deeply that I would do anything for them.
It let me accept what was going to happen just a little. Just enough to keep walking forward, towards seelie land. I didn’t care about leaving a mark on the world or being remembered by anyone but those who loved me, but at least I was going to die knowing I’d done some good.
The seelie lands were still and silent when I emerged from the treeline. I wondered how many guards were watching from the forest. I couldn’t give them a chance to get ahead of me—to warn her, not that she knew what I was here to do.
So I ran. I ran as fast as I had that night after escaping the Carlin’s chains. I heard the thump of pounding footsteps behind me, and I whirled round to shoot the guards before turning back to keep running.
More guards. I shot them all until the land was still and silent once again, collecting up intact arrows on the way. When I reached the palace, my feet took me straight to the throne room even though I had no idea where the Brid was.
But my body knew more than I did. I shoved open the door and nocked a venom-coated arrow before stepping inside. Before I could fire, the King of Boars leapt in front of the Brid, his gigantic body covering her completely.
Rage made me see red. “Move.”
“What are you doing, Ash?” The Brid’s voice sounded only the slightest bit unsteady, and she covered it quickly. “What exactly are you hoping this will achieve?”
“Come out and face me, you fucking coward,” I snarled.
She laughed roughly. “You think an arrow will kill me? Try it, little boy. Pierce my heart. Pierce my eye. I’ll just pull it out and use the tip to slice you open.”
“Then come out and face me,” I gritted out, my flesh arm shaking as I held the arrow ready.
She didn’t. The King of Boars bared his big blunt teeth at me, but he didn’t dare move.
“Are you scared?” I taunted. “Scared of your half-breed runt of a son? The Carlin was right. You don’t deserve any respect. Look at you, hiding behind apig.”
The King of Boars let out a furious snort. “I am not a mere pig, boy. I will gore you and parade your limp, worthless body around the town for everyone to see.”
“Come on then.” I shot him a sharp smile. “Come and gore me. Move away from the Brid.”