“It’s nothing, Em.”
She shakes her head, her stormy eyes holding mine just as the ride lurches forward. “No, it’s… it’s everything. I just feel like I know the real you now. Not the man I thought I had figured out from the start.”
Side by side, the Ferris wheel takes us higher, high above the fair, and the people scurrying around below us. So high it feels like I could reach out and touch the clouds.
“You hated me, Emery. You can just say that.” I laugh, trying to lighten my tone, because they sounded harsher than intended. “You’re nothing like I thought either, but I always thought you were gorgeous, and I would’ve given my left nut to date you. But you clearly hated the ground I walked on. What happened to make you dislike me?”
Her gaze averts, out to the darkened sky around us, a mask of hurt etched on her features.
But why?
“I-… I overheard you and Briggs. That night at Reed’s.”
My brow furrows. Which night? Huh?
She must see the confusion on my face because she continues, “The night that I was housesitting for Reed and Holland. You and Briggs stumbled in, and I almost decapitated you both with the hockey stick.”
Oh,fuck.I was plastered that night. I don’t even remember how we made it to Reed’s. I was a rookie, doing whatever I could to fit in, to make a name for myself in the NHL, and Briggs had called and wanted to get shit faced. He was dealing with a lot of shit, so I agreed. The rest is hazy. I vaguely remember Emery answering the door in a t-shirt. A tiny fucking t-shirt. The same tiny t-shirt I came to, more than once.
“I was really drunk that night, Em. If I did anything or said anything…” I trail off, shaking my head.
“You did. Say something.” She looks back at me. “I overheard you telling Briggs that you wouldn’t touch me if your life depended on it.”
My mind begins to spin, trying to recall the conversation, anything from that night, and I come up blank.
Before I can even speak, she continues.
“I mean, I wasn’t even interested in you, Graham, but your words… they had power. Power I never realized I even gave to anyone else. You said it would be like sleeping with Reed, and that you didn’t like my independent attitude.”
With every word, the knot in my stomach tightens. Fuck, she’s felt like this for so long and I had no idea. The mother of my kids thought I was… disgusted by her.
Fuck.
“I’m so sorry, Emery… I…” I clench my jaw. Fucking idiot. Reaching out, I take her hand in mine. “I’m so fucking sorry. I’m an asshole. Shit, I was so drunk that night, I honestly don’t even remember saying any of that. It wasn’t true, and I wish I could take it back.”
“The next day you flirted with me after you said all of those things behind my back. I figured you were exactly what everyone said you were: a player who didn’t care about the women he slept with. And I don’t like players. I’m done being played. I’ve got my own shit, my own baggage, and that’s why your words hurt. It reminded me that people always show who they truly are, and that honesty is never something you should have to settle for. It reminded me of the last man who was dishonest with me, and why I don’t trust relationships. So, in any relationship, Graham, I value honesty above all else, and you need to know that. That’s why I’m putting all of my cards on the table and telling you how I feel now. I expect honesty, and it’s only fair that I give it to you. I’ve been bottling this up, and now feels like the right time to put it all out...”
I officially feel like the biggest asshole on the planet.
“I know, Em. I’m sorry. Thank you for being honest with me. Truthfully, Briggs was probably interested in you, and I said stupid shit to try and deter him. Briggs was fucked up back then, out of control because of the shit going on with him, and I wouldn’t have let him touch you over my dead body. If you didn’t know, I’ve always had a thing for you.”
She sucks in a sharp breath, a quiet one that I almost didn’t catch. Her gaze holds mine, and she never lets go of my hand.
“I wasn’t lying when I said that I saw you in the stands, and it was like you were the only person in the room. You took my breath away.”
“Graham…” she says, trailing off. There’s an edge to her voice, one that makes me swallow down the words I was about to say.
“I know, you want to be friends. I respect you and your decision. But I’m also not going to give up, Emery. I want you, and I want this, and I want to be very clear about that. What I feel for you is real, and it’s not just because you’re the mother of my kids, Em. It’s because I’ve always been drawn to you, and now that I know you, I want you even more.”
Her eyes shine with unshed tears as we go higher and higher on the Ferris wheel, the colorful lights reflecting in the watery tears. Angled toward me, I can’t help but want to pull her closer.
I hate to see her cry, and even more now that I was the one to fucking cause it.
“Don’t cry, Em.” I reach up with my thumb to dry the tear that’s slipped free.
“It’s my stupid hormones. I can’t stop crying. I cried this morning in the shower because I saw abirdoutside the window. A bird, Adams.”
I laugh. “You’re fucking adorable when you cry.”