Emery
While most of the time,I’m a strong, independent woman who has her shit together… this week hasrockedmy world. Titled it on its axis and made me question everything I thought I knew about what I wanted out of life.
You see, I've always had a plan. A steady, stable, strategic plan of how I expected my life to go.
And a baby was never part of that plan.
Neither was the hotshot NHL player who has a rap sheet of conquests and also happens to be my brother’s best friend.
I’ve spent the last three days locked in my house, making the most important decision of my life. Was I going to be a mother? Would I even be a good one? How would I know what to do? Would it come naturally, or would I screw it all up? What would even happen to my career?
Losing my career, and myself was the most terrifying thing I could imagine after what it took to make it here. But I was raised by the best woman in the world, so I’d like to think that somewhere along the way, I got those characteristics from her. I mean, I love Evan with all my heart and then some.
That’s when I decided that even if it changed my life, even if it was going to be hard, I was having this baby. No matter what.
With or without Graham.
I’d be a badass lawyer and an even better mom.
“I’m so scared to mess this up.” I sniffle, my head in Holland’s lap as she strokes my hair. “I mean, isn’t this supposed to be a happy, joyous moment? I feel like I’m already fucking things up.”
Holland laughs quietly. “There’s no manual on how things should go, Em. This is shocking to you because it was never part of your plan. You made a hard decision, and now, you’re trying to come to terms with being a mama. No one said it was going to be easy.”
Thankfully, telling my best friend was the easiest thing in the world, just like I knew it would be. The rest? I’m not so sure at all.
Looking up at her, a tear slips free. “I mean… you’re going to be a great mom, and there’s never been any question about that. You were meant to be a mom. Me? I was meant to be the cool aunt that lets the kids stay up late and snort pixie sticks off the coffee table until midnight. I’ve always put my career first. My happiness first. Now, that’s going to change.”
She shakes beneath my back, covering her mouth. “You are such a nut. You will be a great mom, Em. The best mom. You’ll be kind, compassionate, honest, and loving. You learn, and you grow as you go. You think I had any clue of what to do with Evan? Hell no. He taught me everything. He’s taught me patience. How to handle situations with a level head. It’s happened, babe, you are pregnant, and unless you know how to rewind time, that is not changing.”
I haven’t even told Mama or Reed yet. I can’t, I’m just not ready. I’m still trying to come to terms with things myself, and to be honest… how do I tell her “Oh, by the way, I got knocked up by my enemies-with-benefits situationship.”
I’m in asituationship. That’s what it is. A situation where I don’t know what the fuck is going to happen, with a man who probably can’t even commit to one brand at the grocery store, let alone being a father.
Groaning, I squeeze my eyes shut. “What do I do about Graham?”
“Honestly? Graham will be an amazing father. Truly.”
My eyes fly open. “You think?”
She nods. “He’s amazing with kids. Olive and Evan are both obsessed with him. He’s going to be there for you; I have no doubt.”
A series of butterflies, the traitors, erupt in my stomach at the thought of having a baby… an actual child. With Graham.
God, he would be the hottest dad. An Adonis with a baby.
Not that I’ll ever, literally ever, admit that out loud.
Holland’s right. It does bring some comfort, knowing he will probably be a kick-ass dad, and at least I won’t be alone, trying to figure out how the hell to be a parent.
“I’m going to be a mother,” I say out loud.
“You are. ”
“'I’m going to be a badass mother, with great tits and even better fashion sense all while being a kick-ass lawyer.”
“Yep.”
“Okay.”